Scared To Be Lonely
by McDimplesBaby
Summary: Will Arizona Robbins always find herself lonely, or will the only woman to ever truly have her heart show her that she deserves happiness? Can old wounds truly be healed... ***COMPLETE***
1. Chapter 1

**You asked for it…you got it. CALZONA.**

 **Before you begin, if you are no longer into this ship…don't read. I don't care for your reviews at the end telling me that they're no longer together, blah. Anyone with a pulse knows that they're no longer together…but people have asked for a Calzona fic, and that is what I'm giving those people. Nobody has asked you to read this, so feel free to NOT do that.**

 **Enjoy…It's been a while.**

 **Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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Scared To Be Lonely: One

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ARIZONA'S POV

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Last night was incredible. Being at home with my daughter for the first time in what feels like forever was the most amazing feeling in the world. I haven't really had the opportunity to sit down and think about Sofia coming home, and by the time I'd given myself five minutes, she was here. She was home. She is home with _me._ I know Callie and I agreed that we would share particular times of the year, but I thought it would never come around. I thought I would be forever waiting for her arrival. It feels like so long since the last time I held her, the last time I cuddled her. It feels like forever…but now that she is here, it's like she never left. Kinda strange, really. I'm not complaining, though. No way. I'll always want my daughter with me. I just wish there was another way for Sofia to be able to share the both of us without it taking a plane journey and a different time zone to do so. I wish things could be different. So different.

I haven't had the best time over the past few weeks, but it all seems irrelevant now. None of it matters now that Sofia is home. Eliza leaving me doesn't matter, and catching Carina with Owen doesn't matter. Honestly, there wasn't much there between Carina and I, but she was a welcome relief from the hurt I'd felt from Eliza's actions. She was awesome, amazing even, but I'm a mom. I'm a mom and I have a daughter to look after. I'll get my fun, but not with Carina De Luca. To be honest, I'm not sure I could keep up with her. To say she has a lot of energy is an understatement. She's a livewire, that's for sure. We haven't spoken since the night of Meredith's nomination, but there is no grudge to be held there. I'm single. She's single. She is free to do as she pleases. If Owen is that person for her, then great. Good luck to them both. I have to concentrate on myself, though. I have to concentrate on the daughter I've longed to see for way too long. No parent should ever have to spend that much time away from their child, but it was an arrangement.

Last night, Sofia said some things that stirred up a few feelings I didn't know I still had inside of me. Feelings about her other mother. She told me that she misses Callie, and instinctually, I told her I missed Callie too. I mean, I do…it wasn't a lie. I've always missed her in some way. She was such a big part of my life, so it's kinda hard not to miss her. Her infectious laugh. Those deep brown eyes that just drew you in. Most of all, though, I miss her friendship. I miss that undeniable connection we had with each other. Even when we divorced, there was still something there. Maybe not love, but definitely friendship. I'll always see my ex-wife as my friend, but that is where it ends. Callie got her happy ending with Penny, and I accept that. I accepted it a long time ago, and I moved on a long time ago. Regardless of what has happened between us, I could never hate her. Callie Torres is definitely someone who leaves a mark wherever she goes. There is no mistaking that. None whatsoever.

Settled at the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee, Sofia is still sleeping. Flying always takes it out of her, and today I have the day off so she can sleep as long as she needs to. There is no rush around here to do anything. Sofia is very like her other mother in the way that she sleeps. Down to the fact that she sleeps flat out on her stomach, arms and legs splayed towards all four corners of the bed. It's adorable to watch, but sometimes it brings back those memories I often try to suppress. I don't suppress them because I don't want to remember my life with Callie, but if I don't clear my mind of my past life, it only leaves me wondering what could have been.

I'd like to believe that we both made the right decision at the time, but I've often wondered if she walked away too soon. I mean, she hated the idea of therapy. She never wanted it to happen. Then at the end, when I realized that we had pretty damn good lives, she had a total change of heart. A change of heart so big that she ultimately walked away from me. From all that we had built together. From our family. That was the real killer for me. Knowing that Sofia would be passed between our homes hurt more than anything. It hurt because it's not what I ever imagined for our daughter. It hurt because it's not what I ever wanted to happen. Callie, however, felt differently. That's okay, though. It's okay because I'd never have expected her to carry on if she was unhappy. _One thing I've never wanted for my ex-wife is unhappiness._ We may have caused each other a world of pain at one point or another, but I never wanted her to be miserable. Thankfully, she isn't. She is happy and she is thriving in her new life with Penny in New York. It makes me feel better about everything that's happened, that's for sure.

"Mommy." A tired sleepy voice pulling me from my thoughts, I turn around to find my daughter standing at the bottom of the staircase.

"Hey, big girl." I smile. "You doing good?"

"Mm." She mumbles. _Yep, that's Callie._ "I'm tired."

"I know." Helping her up into the stool beside me, she slumps down. "You've had a busy weekend, huh?"

"When is Mama coming?"

"I don't know, Sof." Giving her a sad smile, she sighs and it breaks my heart. Callie told me Sofia was ready to come home. If she wasn't, she should have told me. I'd never make my daughter leave her if she didn't want to just yet. "Maybe you could call her later?"

"Can I?" Her eyes brighten a little. "I miss her."

"I know you do, sweetie."

"Do you still miss her?" She asks. "You said you do."

"Of course, I do." I agree. "But you have to remember that mama lives with Penny now."

"Don't want her to live with Penny." She crosses her arms over her chest. "Why can't she come home too?"

"New York is home now, Sofia." Climbing down from my seat, I pour her some apple juice and set it down in front of her. "But you know that you can visit anytime you like, and mama knows she can visit you anytime she likes, too."

"Can this be her home again?" She perks up a little. "If I ask and promise to be good?"

"No, baby." I come to stand in front of her and lift her up onto the counter. "Mama has lots of work to do in New York. She's super busy at the hospital. Penny, too. So, for now…New York is home."

"Okay." She shrugs. "I missed you, mommy." Her arms wrapping around my neck, I squeeze her tight and it's pretty amazing that she is here right now.

"I missed you too, Sof." Trying to keep my emotions in check, I clear my throat and pull back. "Breakfast?"

"Mmhmm…" She gives me one of her adorable smiles and crosses her legs. "You make the best pancakes."

"Oh, I do, huh?" Grabbing the ingredients from the cupboard I set it all down in front of us and she gives me a nod. "I guess I have some expectations to meet right now then."

* * *

"Hello?" A familiar voice filtering through my cell, I motion for Sofia to come and join me on the couch and she jumps up beside me. "Hey, Cal."

"Everything okay your end?" My ex-wife asks.

"Yeah. Someone is still a little grouchy because she's tired, but we're good here."

"I'm glad she's settled for you." She sighs. "Missing her a lot, though."

"Yeah. Sofia is feeling it, too." I admit. "Things will be okay, though. You know you can call or visit when you are able to."

"I know. I appreciate that." She replies. "Just…I'm sorry."

"For what?" I ask.

"Moving here. Turning her world upside down. Yours, too."

"You did what was best for you, Callie. Nobody can expect you to apologize for that. She's okay. She's good."

"You think we did good?" She asks, desperate for a little reassurance. "Honestly?"

"You know what? Yeah…I think we did."

"Makes me feel a little better hearing you say that," Callie responds, a hint of emotion in her voice. "Everything okay with you?"

"Yeah, you know…just working."

"You need to have a life, too, Arizona." She laughs. "Work isn't everything."

"Mm, work doesn't let me down on a daily basis, though." I counter. I like that we can still do this. We can still be friendly with each other. It means we didn't do everything for nothing. "Did you want to speak with Sofia?"

"I do, but I'm going to FaceTime her if that would be okay?"

"Of course, yeah." I smile. "She's here with me now…"

"Okay, give me a second and I'll call back." She replies. The call ending, my daughter furrows her brow and gives me a slight pout.

"Don't worry, big girl." Pulling her into my arms, she sits in my lap and a familiar sound flows around us. "Mama is calling you back." Hitting accept, my ex-wife's face appears on the screen of my cell and Sofia squeals with excitement.

"Mama!" She smiles.

"Hi, Mija." That signature smile warming my heart, I watch their interaction. Sitting out of view a little, Callie knows I'm here beside our daughter but this is their time. "Hi, Arizona."

"Hey, Cal." Clearing my throat, I settle back in my seat and allow my daughter this time with her other mother.

"Mama, I miss you." Sofia sighs. "Mommy said you can't come home, too…"

"Mama has some things to do here right now, Sofia."

"I know." Her little gaze dropping, it hurts my heart to see my daughter sad when she should be enjoying her time back home with me.

"Hey…" Callie whispers. "Mama will be there soon, though."

"Yeah?" _Please don't lie to make our daughter feel better, Callie._ "When?"

"It will be a surprise." She throws the miniature brunette beside me a wink. "But you have to behave for mommy, okay? She has missed you so much and she cannot wait to do all the fun stuff with you…"

"She misses you, too." My daughter shrugs.

"And I miss mommy." Callie smiles.

"Can I say hi to Penny?"

"She isn't here, baby girl." Callie clears her throat and something in her behavior changes.

"Is she working _again?_ " My daughter rolls her eyes and it causes us both to laugh.

"I-I think so, yeah." _She thinks so? What does that even mean?_ "Mama has to go now, but she will talk to you real soon, okay?"

"Where are you going?"

"I'm just pretty busy today." Callie shrugs. "Crazy busy."

"Okay…" Our daughter draws out. "Love you, mama." Blowing a kiss through the screen, Callie catches it and a smile instantly settles on my face. _Adorable._

"I love you too, Mija. Bye Arizona."

"See ya, Cal." Our call disconnecting, Sofia hands my cell back over to me and nuzzles down on my chest. "You okay?" I ask, my fingers running through her hair.

"Mmhmm." She gives me a slight nod. "Love you, mommy."

"I love you too, Sof." Tightening my grip around her waist, I've never felt so at peace. I know my own life is constantly messed up, but this little girl gives me a reason to smile every day and that is all I will ever need in my life. No woman and no relationship could ever compare to this. Sure, it would have been nice to have a significant other here to meet Sofia, but at least this way, I get to have her all to myself. I get the uninterrupted time with my daughter. My daughter who has been gone for far too long.

* * *

A light knocking at my front door pulling me away from the surgery I'm studying, I furrow my brow and set my paperwork down beside me. Standing, I glance at the clock and it's a little before nine in the evening. _Don't people know I have a child sleeping?_ Approaching the door, I'm a little shocked to find a particular woman on the other side. Unlocking it, I pull my door open and furrow my brow. "Everything okay?"

"Arizona, hi."

"Carina, why are you here?" I ask, not in the mood for fun and games right now.

"Can I come in and speak with you?" She asks. That Italian accent causing goosebumps to creep onto my skin.

"I guess so." I shrug and step to the side. "What's up?" I ask as she brushes past me and moves further into my home.

"What you saw the other night…" She gives me a sad smile. "It's no-"

"No." I cut her off. "You don't need to explain. You and I were just a little fun. You are dating Owen and that's okay. I have enough to contend with here without getting caught up in a love triangle."

"I'm not uh…dating him." She shakes her head. "He just, was there?" She raises her eyebrow and I give her a nod. "A little fun?"

"A little fun?" I tilt my head a little. "You were in his home in nothing. Amelia called me…"

"Ah, Si." She nods. "Your friends told you."

"Of course, they did," I state. "But it's okay. Sofia is home now and I have to concentrate on her."

"I missed you." She shrugs, her gaze dropping. _Seems everyone is freaking missing me lately._ "Could we start again?"

"I'm not sure that is a good idea…" I give her a sad smile. "I mean, are you even here to stay?"

"Seattle?" She asks. "I don't know yet. But I'd like to spend some time with you until I know more?"

"How about some coffee?" I ask.

"Si." She smiles. "Coffee is good." Taking a seat at the kitchen island, I fix us up some coffee and think about Carina's intentions. I don't understand why she is here. I don't know why she has shown up at my place when we haven't spoken in what? Almost two weeks… "I'm thinking of staying."

"That's good." I smile. "I'm sure the chief would love to have you around."

"But what about you?" She raises an eyebrow. "Would you like me to stay around?"

"Honestly…" I breathe out as I lean back against the counter. "I don't mind either way. My daughter is home Carina, and I don't have time for games. She is my priority. She is who matters to me most."

"Understood." She gives me a slight nod. "I was hoping we could pick up where we left off, though, no?"

"No." I give her a sad smile. "I mean, in a few weeks…maybe, but right now I have to concentrate on things at home."

"It's Owen, isn't it?" She asks.

"What about him?" I furrow my brow.

"Because I spent the night with him."

"No." I shake my head. "Who you spend the night with is none of my business. We aren't together…so no, Owen isn't the problem." Setting her coffee down in front of her, I give her a slight shrug and she watches me as I round the counter. "It's just how it is." My cell buzzing against the counter, I furrow my brow when I find Callie's name flashing on my screen. "Excuse me a moment?" Gaining a nod from the Italian sitting in my kitchen, I move into the living room and hit accept. "Hello?"

"Hey…"

"Callie?" I ask. "What are you doing calling this late? It's after midnight there…"

"I know." She sighs. "Just…could I talk to you for a little while?"

"Um…"

"Sorry, you are probably busy. Don't worry about it. I'll catch up with you some other time."

"No, just…I have someone here right now. Is everything okay?" I ask as I run my fingers through my hair. "You don't usually call this late."

"I just needed some advice on some stuff." She replies. "I'm sorry I interrupted your evening. I'll call Sofia tomorrow and see how she is doing."

"Sure." I smile. "Goodbye, Cal." The call ending, I furrow my brow and chew on my bottom lip. Heading back into the kitchen, I clear my throat and Carina glances my way. "Sorry, um…I have to make a phone call and I'm not sure how long it's going to take."

"No problem." She smiles. "I'll see you around the hospital, right?"

"Of course." I nod. "I'm so sorry, Carina. I just have to make this call."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." I wave off her question. "Just my ex-wife. She sounds like she needs a friend right now." Watching my 'kind of' ex head for the door, she pulls me into a hug and it actually feels quite nice. It's not often that we spend time together fully clothed, so yeah…this is a welcome change. "Take care, okay?"

"You too, Arizona." Seeing her out, I close the door and lock up for the night. Grabbing my coffee, I head to my couch and get myself comfortable. Callie didn't sound too great when she called a couple of minutes ago, and the fact that she called me says that she really needs someone. If I'm that choice for her, I'd never turn her away. I'd never dismiss her. Hitting a more than familiar number into my cell, the call connects and I'm thankful that she hasn't silenced my call.

"Arizona?" She asks.

"Yeah…sorry I just had to get rid of someone." I sigh. "I didn't want to take your call whilst they were here. You know, a little rude."

"Sure, but you didn't have to do that."

"What's up, Callie?" I cut straight to the chase. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything is packed up here…" She states.

"I don't follow…"

"Everything in my apartment is packed up." She repeats. "I'm just not sure it's a good idea."

"Why have you packed everything up?" I ask, my voice laced with confusion. "Are you going someplace?"

"Well, I think so." She clears her throat. "Just…tell me I'm doing the wrong thing and I'll unpack everything again."

"Again?"

"Yeah, for the third time." She laughs. "Pathetic, right?"

"Okay, but that doesn't explain what is going on…"

"I can't be here without Sofia." Her voice breaking, I want to wrap her up in my arms and tell her that our daughter is okay. "Penny has decided to stay on in New York and I can't do it."

"O…kay."

"But am I doing the wrong thing?" She asks. "I mean, I know in my heart I have to come back. I have to be close to her. Just…can you help me in some way?"

"Do you love Penny?" I ask. "I mean, you do because you wouldn't have ever left if you didn't, but do you love her enough to stay in New York and see Sofia so many times a year?"

"No." Her answer falling from her mouth faster than anything, she already knows the answer.

"Wow, okay." I breathe out. "Then you really don't need my help, Cal."

"Maybe long distance can wo-"

"I broke up with her." She cuts me off with another shocking answer. "Last week."

"W-Why?" I furrow my brow. "Can you not at least try to make it work? You left your life in Seattle for her, Callie. Surely there is something there."

"There was." She sighs. "Just…not enough."

"I don't know what you want me to say," I admit. "I mean, I didn't expect this conversation with you. You were happy, at least, I thought you were."

"I was." She agrees. "But Sofia is the most important thing in my life, Arizona. Yours too. I just…I don't know how you did it. I don't know how you just handed her over and lived your life without her close by."

"I didn't." I scoff. "At least, for the most part. But I learned to cope, Callie. I knew she was happy, so I was okay with it."

"Still…I don't know how you did it."

"Me neither," I reply. "But I think you need to think about this before you make any sudden decisions. You need to truly believe that you are making the right decision. Unfortunately, I cannot help you with that. As much as it hurts to say it…you aren't in my life anymore. I don't have any right to tell you what you should or should not do."

"I'm sorry." She sighs.

"Don't be sorry. Just make sure you know what you are doing before you refuse to unpack your stuff again. Penny was enough for you to leave everything you had here, so you have to think about this hard." _That truly is all I can give her._ "You know I'll always be your friend, but I'm not the kind of friend who can help you make this decision. I'm sorry."

"Thank you." She replies. "For being honest."

"It's why you called, right?"

"Yeah, but I wasn't sure you would even give me five minutes." She admits. "Does she make you happy?"

"Who? Sofia? Of course, she does. She is my baby, Callie."

"N-No." She clears her throat. "The woman who was just there."

"Why would you assume it was a woman?" I ask.

"Because I know you…and I could tell by your voice." _Yeah, she knows me better than anyone. Myself included._

"Yeah." I smile. "She kinda does…but not enough to take my attention away from my daughter."

"And it really is as simple as that, huh?" Callie snorts. "Now I know why I called you."

"I don't know what that means, but you're welcome?" I hazard a guess. "Just…think about this, okay?"

"Yeah…" She breathes out. "Thanks."

"No problem. Take care, Cal. You will know what the right decision is when you really think about it. Either way, Sofia is okay and she will _always_ be okay."

"Goodbye, Arizona."

"Bye, Cal." Ending the call, I take a moment to think about everything my ex-wife has just said. Sure, I know she is struggling to be away from our daughter right now, but I can also see why she believes she needs to leave. I even thought about heading to New York myself when they first left, but after I'd thought about it long and hard, I knew it wasn't as simple as just following my ex-wife and her relationship in order to be close to my daughter. I just had to manage. Survive, if you will. Work is what kept me going, and I'm hoping that Callie can use her own work and research to take her mind off of the possibility of returning. I know Sofia would love her other mother to be in the same city, and I would too, but she cannot just leave everything she has built there because she is hurting a little right now. Life doesn't work that way. Or maybe it does. I don't know.

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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Scared To Be Lonely: Two

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CALLIE'S POV

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This feels weird. Everything about this moment feels like I'm making the wrong decision, but I know once I see Sofia, everything will be okay. Everything will be perfect…as it should be. I've only spoken to Arizona in detail once since I called her two weeks ago and asked for her advice, but she is right…she isn't in my life anymore. As much as I hate that, we are Sofia's mothers and that is where our relationship ends. Sure, we have some sort of weird friendship going on, but it's not possible to be actual friends. Not how I'd like, anyway. It just makes things weird when one of us meets another woman. I mean, Penny was always okay with it, but I'm sure not everyone we meet will be that way. I'm sure most of them would worry. Be cautious. I'd be the same if I were in their position. I guess it's just not as simple as expecting people to understand. Especially not in today's society.

Right now, I'm on a flight to Seattle, and I don't know what to expect when I get there. Rain. I'll expect rain. The weather back home never lets me down. Smiling to myself when I'm reminded of the countless times I've been caught out by the weather in Seattle, it only helps to reassure myself that I could possibly be making the right decision. It only confirms that my life will always be in Seattle. The place I grew as a surgeon. The place I met my ex-wife and had the most amazing times of my life. The place our beautiful daughter was born. The place I lost my best friend. The place my world was turned upside down on more than one occasion. Yeah…Seattle will always be home no matter where I am in the world. I've always known that. I guess I just have to remind myself occasionally.

Brought out of my thoughts when the pilot informs us that we will soon be landing, I smile and fix my eyes on the view I have outside. I've missed Seattle more than I care to admit, but I suspect I have other reasons for it that I've tried to keep to myself. I've tried to suppress those thoughts and it's only made it harder not to think about them. Now isn't the time for thinking about what could have been, though. Now is the time to rebuild my life here. I have so much that I need to say to people and so much that I have to do…I just don't know where to start. I guess the best place to start would be at the hospital, but Bailey is probably going to tear me a new one for even leaving. It's what I'm expecting, though, so I guess anything less will be a bonus. I've missed her so much. I mean, we've kept in touch but it's not the same. Nothing will ever be the same as actually being here and being in the presence of the people I've matured with. All those years ago when I was living at the hospital, I never imagined I would one day marry a woman and have a daughter. I never imagined I would have to bury the man who helped mold me into the person I am today. Who'd have thought Mark Sloan would have such a big impact on my life, huh? All those years ago when he told me to walk tall. All those years ago when we would take away each others pain. Crazy to think that he isn't on this earth anymore. It hurts, but I have a daughter to remember him by. He will always be one of the biggest parts of my life…here or not.

Buckling up as we begin to descend, I wonder how Arizona is doing. I mean, I know we talk often but it's generally about Sofia. I want to know how _she_ is doing. How _she_ has been living her life. She always had my heart in some way, but we both moved on and a hell of a lot happened in between. The last I heard from Meredith, she was dating some Ortho/Sports surgeon, but I don't know how that is going. Minnick, I believe her name is. Obviously, I looked her up, and she's good…but her medical skills don't mean that she is right for my ex-wife. I always wanted Arizona to be happy…it's the reason I let her go, but I'd like to believe that she is _truly_ happy and not just settling. She didn't mention much last time we had a real conversation, but she tends to keep things to herself. I don't blame her, really. I mean, who wants to discuss their relationship with their ex-wife? Do people actually do that? Like, is it a thing?

Settled back in my window seat, I close my eyes and take the next few minutes to just be with myself. Think about the changes that are about to happen. A lot can happen in a year, and honestly…I'm not sure what to expect. Everything was already changing before I left, and now I have no clue what I'm about to face. The people in Seattle are my family, though, and that is all I have to remember. Nothing else matters right now. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. I know that I'm supposed to be home.

* * *

Reaching my hotel, I step out of the cab and the driver hands over my luggage. _God, it feels like forever since I've been here._ Obviously, my father has given me the best room in his hotel here, but it's not for long. I have to find myself a place to live, and I have to do it fast. I want to get the ball rolling back here in Seattle, and sitting on my ass isn't the way to go about that. I have to rebuild myself now…or I fear I'll never do it. It will never happen. My cell in my hand, I send off a quick message and hope to god that I'm able to see my daughter today. Arizona doesn't even know that I decided to come home, so it will be interesting to see her reaction.

 ** _Are you working today? Callie._**

Heading inside, I check into my hotel room and head for the elevator. It's kinda crazy being back here, but it also feels good. I don't know why, or how, but being in this hotel feels like it's supposed to feel. It's just another part of being home.

 ** _No. I have the day off. Did you want Sofia to call you? Az_**

 ** _No. Not yet. A little busy. Catch up later? Callie._**

 ** _Sure. She's much more settled now. Enjoy your day. Az_**

Locking my cell and shoving it into the back pocket of my jeans, I step off of the elevator and make my way to my room. The place has been updated a little since I was last here but it looks good. Making a mental note to call my father sometime this week to thank him, I slide my key card down the door and the green light alerts me to the fact that I've been granted access. Stepping inside, a million and one memories come flooding back to me. Honestly, It's a little overwhelming, but I can push through these emotions. I have to. I'm here for my daughter, so none of my memories matter right now. _Except they'll always matter to me._ I have no regrets about my life. Arizona and I included. No matter what we went through together, everything happened for a reason. Every little detail in our past has led us both to this day, and we are happy in some way. I don't know much about her life anymore, and I don't even know if she is still the same person I fell in love with all those years ago, but she seems happy. I couldn't ask for any more than that, really.

My own feelings don't matter anymore. I walked away. I let her go. I moved to another time zone. I'd like to believe that I made the right choice when I ended therapy and our marriage, but I've often wondered if I could have tried harder. I mean, I know I could have, but would it have been worth it? Would we only have caused each other more and more pain? I don't know, and I guess I'll never find out. For some reason, though, the past few months she is all I've thought about. At least once a day. Maybe I just knew that Sofia would have to come home at some point and it made me think of my ex-wife, but I'm not so sure.

I've spent days daydreaming about her. What she is doing. Who she is with. Is she smiling? Is she happy? Does she still allow those adorable dimples to pop when she is truly laughing? God, I hope she does. Anyone who matters to her deserves to see that unbelievable look of happiness she always seemed to have. Anyone who is privileged enough to be in my ex-wife's life should see those dimples. They should hear that laugh. They should hold her close and never let her go. I didn't, and I know it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I know that even though I don't regret anything, she is one thing I'm so close to regretting. Not ever meeting her and falling in love with her, but how things ended. How we completely disconnected.

I'll always remember that spark. That spark that I felt the night she kissed me in the bathroom at Joe's. It took my breath away. _She_ took my breath away. I've never felt that with another person. I've never once felt anything remotely similar to what I felt the night I met Arizona for the first time. Penny is beautiful and she has so much to give, but I'm not sure I've ever truly been all in where she is concerned. Maybe that was why I moved away. Maybe I was trying to find that something that I had with Arizona. I know I tried too hard and ultimately failed, but it was good while it lasted. We had fun. We had many laughs. She just wasn't her. Nobody will ever be my Arizona. My ex-wife is far too unique for anyone else to even barely resemble her. I know that now.

I'd like to believe that the spark I felt is still there, but I know it's not. At least, not for Arizona. I put us through so much when I should have just talked things out with her. She may have her own faults, but I know that I wasn't innocent in any of our past. I know that I screwed up on way more than one occasion, so no…I very much doubt that our spark is still there. Friends are good enough for me, though. She has someone in her life, and I'm happy for her. _Now, it is time to sort out my own life._

* * *

Knocking a little louder than usual on a familiar door, a voice calls for me to come inside and I push against the hardwood. Her eyes fixed firmly on the paperwork in front of her, I lean against the frame of the door and clear my throat. "Got time for an old friend?"

"Well, I'll be damned." Miranda Bailey's head lifting, her eyes widen and she stares at me. "Callie freaking Torres."

"Yep." I give her a nod. "Can I come in?"

"It depends." She holds up her hands and stops me. "Why are you here?"

"Because I belong here?" I furrow my brow.

"Damn right you do." She scoffs. "Get your ass in here, Torres. We have a contract to figure out."

"We do?" My smile widening, she raises her eyebrow and I push off the frame of the door. "Right, yeah." Closing the door behind me, I close the distance between us and take a seat across from her. "So good to see you, Chief."

"Mmhmm." She purses her lips and gives me a knowing look. "Are you here for a length of time or are you here for good?"

"For good." I breathe out. "I need to be back where I belong."

"It's Sofia, isn't it?"

"Yeah." I give her a sad smile. "Things got a little messed up but I'm here to take my life back in Seattle."

"And Dr. Blake?" Miranda asks. "Will she be requiring a job?"

"N-No." I shake my head. "She's staying on in New York. They offered her a job with a great salary."

"So, you guys are still together?"

"No." I sigh. "It was for the best, though."

"Sure." She snorts. "What would have been for the best was never leaving, but you didn't listen to me."

"I know, I know." Holding up my hands, she hands over a contract and I furrow my brow. "Did you know I was coming back?"

"No, why?"

"Because you have a contract ready and waiting for me." I laugh.

"Oh, that has been in my drawer since the day you left, Torres. I knew you would eventually come back one day…"

"Really?" I wrinkle my nose. "I'm that predictable?"

"No, not at all." She shakes her head. "Just wishful thinking, I guess." Sitting back in my seat, I cross my legs and give my friend, and boss a genuine smile. It's so good to be back here, and even though a lot has changed, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now.

"I love what you have done with the place." I glance around and she gives me a slight shrug. "I was sorry to hear about Edwards. She was a great surgeon."

"Yeah, she is getting there but it will be a long process." Miranda nods. "Now, I don't know where Arizona is…but you are more than likely going to find her down at the MRI scanner on the second floor."

"O…kay." I nod. "She isn't working today but why would she be at the MRI?"

"Oh, I'll let your ex-wife explain that one to you." She laughs. "I swear this place is becoming more and more crazy as the hour's pass."

"Good to see nothing has changed then, huh?" Reaching over her desk, I hold out my hand and she gives it a firm shake. "Also good to be back." Standing, I pull my purse up onto my shoulder and head for the door. "I'll let you get back to whatever chiefy stuff you were doing."

"See you a week Monday." She nods. "And don't be late."

"A week Monday?" I ask. "That's almost two weeks…"

"I know, but you have stuff to do. Things to figure out. Go and spend some time with your daughter, maybe even your ex-wife, too." Dismissing me with the wave of her hand, a slight laugh rumbles in my throat and I head out into the corridor. _Yeah, nothing ever changes around here._

* * *

Reaching my ex-wife's home, I glance around and I'm happy to find her car parked outside. She said she had the day off but I wasn't sure if I would catch her at home or not. I mean, she's busy at the best of times, so it would be pure luck if I found her here right now. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Sofia has had her down at the zoo all day. _Maybe we could all go to the zoo one day if Arizona's girlfriend wouldn't mind?_ Straightening myself out a little, my heart begins to beat a little faster in my chest and I don't know why I suddenly feel nervous. It's Arizona. There is nothing to be nervous about.

Maybe the fact that I haven't come face to face with her in almost a year has something to do with this sudden anxiety I'm experiencing. I don't know. Heading up the porch, I curl my hand into a fist and knock on her front door. Hearing voices inside, I'm a little anxious as to how I'm about to be greeted. I guess it isn't really appropriate to just turn up at someone's door without giving them any warning, but I just wanted to surprise Sofia. I'm sure Arizona won't mind. Straining a little to make out the voices, I'm hearing one that definitely doesn't belong to my ex-wife or my daughter. _Is that Italian?_ No, it cant be. Why would someone who speaks Italian be in Arizona's home?

The door opening, I find the most amazing sight my eyes have ever witnessed. "Calliope?" Her brow furrowed, Arizona steps out onto the porch and pulls the door closed behind her. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to surprise Sofia if that would be okay?" _Wow, she looks amazing._

"Well, sure…but she isn't here." She gives me a sad smile. "Sorry."

"Of course, she's not." I roll my eyes. "I'd ask if we could grab a coffee but you sound a little busy."

"No, come on in." She opens the door and I'm not sure if I want to. "It's just Carina."

"You say that like I'm supposed to know who she is?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Right, sorry." She laughs. "De Luca's sister." Motioning for me to come inside, I step over the threshold and find a woman ranting in Italian in my ex-wife's kitchen. "Let's go into the living room while she finishes her call."

"Is she okay?" I ask, throwing my thumb over my shoulder.

"Honestly, I've no idea." She shrugs. "Something about trying to secure funding for more research but I don't speak Italian, so?"

"No." I smile and drop my gaze. "I thought you were dating someone called Minnick, not Carina?"

"Long story." She rolls her eyes. "Have a seat. I'll just grab us some coffee." Dropping down onto my ex-wife's couch, I glance around and smile at her choice of colors. _I see she is still perfectly happy living in that god damn easter basket._ Shaking my head when a slight laugh falls from my mouth, my eyes find a framed photograph on the wall. _How sweet._ A real family photo. One that includes Mark, too. I know they both had different opinions on everything they discussed, but they loved each other really. Both of them could deny it, but I know it was just a front. Well, when Mark wasn't checking out my then wife's ass or boobs. "Here we go…" Handing me a cup of coffee, I give Arizona a thankful smile and she settles down beside me. "So, you didn't unpack then, huh?"

"No." I smile. "I had to come home, Arizona."

"You don't have to convince me, Cal. I just hope you made the right decision." Clearing her throat, De Luca's sister steps up behind me.

"I should go." That accent sending a shiver down my spine, I feel the urge to respond to her in Spanish. "I have to get to the hospital."

"Did you fix the funding issue?" She asks the woman standing behind me.

"Si." Turning and glaring up at the unknown woman, I stand and clear my throat.

"Callie Torres." Holding out my hand, I grip her own firmly and shake. "You are?"

"Carina De Luca." She smiles. "Good to meet you, Dr. Torres. I've heard a lot about your work."

"Good to meet you, too." I give her a genuine smile this time around. Turning back to face my ex-wife, she gives me a thankful smile. "I can leave if you guys have plans. I just wanted to see Sofia."

"We don't have plans." She shakes her head. "I was working and Carina came by. I have time for coffee with you, Callie." Standing, she sees her _friend?_ to the door and I return to my seat. I don't know why I'm sitting here, but I am. It feels nice, too. "So, where were we?" She asks after a couple of minutes of sitting alone.

"I don't even know." I shrug. "Sorry for coming by unannounced."

"Callie, it's fine. Just…are you okay?" She gives me a sad smile. "Do you have somewhere to stay?"

"I'm staying at the hotel. I'm okay. Just trying to get things back on track, you know?"

"Yeah…" She breathes out. "Have you been to the hospital yet?"

"I have. Back at it a week on Monday."

"Wow. That's great." Her eyes widen a little. "That will be a little strange."

"Don't worry." I smile. "I'll stay out of your way."

"No, I didn't mean that." She tries to defend herself. "I just…it's been weird without you around." She gives me a genuine smile. "I guess in a way I've only just got used to it."

"I'm sorry." I take her hand in my own and she doesn't pull away. "For all of this. Everything. Walking away and leaving Seattle."

"It's done." She shakes her head. "You have nothing to apologize for. So long as you are happy with your decision, then it is good to have you back here."

"Yeah?" That spark coursing through my entire body, I pull my hand away. I have to. We aren't anything anymore and I have to remember that. Sofia's mothers and that is all. "I thought you would be glad to see the back of me."

"No." She drops her gaze. "I never wanted you to leave…"

"I'm pretty good at disappointing people." I roll my eyes. "Figured you would know that by now."

"Stop being so hard on yourself. Whatever has happened cannot be undone." She shrugs as she sits back in her seat.

"You look great, by the way."

"Thanks." She smiles. "You look great, too."

"So…" I breathe out. "Where is Sofia?"

"She's at the park with Maggie and Zola. I have a big surgery coming up and I needed to just go over a couple of things so she's spending the day with Zola. They've really missed each other."

"Oh, don't." I hold up my hand. "Zola is all Sofia has talked about."

"Yeah…I thought that may have been the case." Arizona agrees. "She's been okay, though, Callie. She really has."

"Of course, she has. She is with you, Arizona. Where she always should have been."

"Callie…" She gives me a knowing look and I drop my gaze.

"Just…do you think we could be friends?" I ask. "I mean, I know we are already friends, but I mean like…actual friends?"

"What does that even mean?" She laughs and gives me those dimples.

"Honestly, I don't know." I laugh. "Just…like this? None of the awkwardness. I mean, if your girlfriend would be okay with it?"

"Oh, Carina isn't my girlfriend." She shakes her head. "Almost, but not quite."

"Oh." I raise my eyebrows. "Sorry, I just assumed."

"No, it could have been, but Sofia came home and other things happened so I've called it a day."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I give her a sad smile. "Look, I should go…maybe catch Sofia at Meredith's before she heads back here. Did you want to maybe grab a drink one night? If you have a sitter?"

"I'd like that." She gives me a nod, followed by a genuine smile. "How about you come by for dinner tonight? Sofia would be thrilled."

"I don't want to get in the way." I sigh. "But thank you. I'm sure I have plenty of stuff I could be doing."

"And one of those things is having dinner with your daughter, no?"

"Are you sure it would be okay?" I wrinkle my nose. "I don't want you to think that I've come back and I'm just going to take over."

"I don't think that."

"What time did you want me to come back?" I ask.

"How does six sound?" She raises an eyebrow. "Then you can bath Sofia whilst I finish up with this surgery."

"I can do that." I nod as I stand. Heading into the kitchen to set down my coffee cup, I turn back to find Arizona watching me from the other side of the room. "Sorry…just cleaning up my mess."

"Thanks." She gives me a smile. "I'd offer you to hang around here until she comes home but I'm not sure you will get much conversation out of me."

"No, I wouldn't expect you to." I head for the door. "If anything changes, just give me a call and we can reschedule."

"It won't." She shrugs. "See you at six. I won't tell Sofia you are home. You can tell her that news yourself."

"Awesome." Pulling my ex-wife into a hug, she reciprocates and my eyes close for just a fraction of a second. "Thanks for being welcoming, Arizona. You didn't have to, and I appreciate it."

"You'll always be welcome in Seattle, Calliope. You know that." My stomach somersaulting at the use of my full name, I clear my throat and step out onto the porch.

"Can I bring anything tonight?"

"Maybe a bottle of wine?" She suggests.

"You've got it." Throwing her a wave over my shoulder, I head down the steps and onto the sidewalk. I never imagined that she would be so open and welcoming of my return, but I appreciate how much she is trying. Even if she doesn't really want me around. She has a heart of gold, though, so I shouldn't have really expected anything different from her. Heading off down the street, my head and my heart feel a little lighter. I've only been home for a few hours and I already have my job back. The perfect ending to this day, though, will be spending it with my daughter. Arizona, too.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Absolute huge response to the first chapter and I'm truly blown away by your reviews. They're always appreciated. Thanks again.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

Scared To Be Lonely: Three

* * *

ARIZONA'S POV

* * *

I've been standing at the kitchen window for the past thirty minutes watching my daughter enjoy some early evening fun. Totally oblivious to this messed up world. None the wiser to anything around her that could cause hurt or pain. I'm happy that she is young. I'm happy that she doesn't have to deal with the outside world like us who are adulting do. She's safe in her own mind. Her own world. I only wish she could stay like that forever. I only wish that she didn't ever have to experience the hurt she will face in the future. Because she will. One day, someone will break her heart. One day, someone will be cruel with their words or their actions and it will hurt Sofia. It's inevitable. I hate knowing that she will feel that. I hate knowing that someone could do to her what Callie and I have done to each other. It's not right. None of this is right. I mean, I've invited Callie here tonight and now I'm not sure it was a good idea. Not because I don't want her to spend time with our daughter, but because I'm not sure I should be spending time with her. She seemed a little different when she came by this afternoon. She seemed, apologetic. Sure, I accept her apologies, but like I told my ex-wife earlier, what's done is done. She cannot turn back time and do things differently, and neither can I.

We cannot change the fact that no matter how hard we tried, it simply didn't work out. Because we did try. We tried hard. Just…not hard enough. She wants to be friends, and I do too, but I'm worried that this could turn into something more. I'm worried that if and when it does, one of us will be left hurt, and I cannot take any more hurt where my ex-wife is concerned. I'm crushed where she is concerned, I really am. I'm pretty sure nothing would ever come of us spending time with Sofia since she is the one who left me, but I still have that small doubt in the back of my mind that makes me feel a little uneasy. _Why are you even thinking that anything could ever happen?_ I'm just being ridiculous now. Callie isn't likely to even be attracted to me anymore. I mean, why would she be? She left me for a reason. She ended our marriage for an actual reason. I couldn't make her happy anymore, and I haven't changed, so I doubt her feelings would have. If anything, she has probably only grown further apart from me.

A knock on the door alerting me to the presence of the woman I've spent the entire afternoon thinking about, I shake myself from my daydream and turn down the radio that I've had occupying my mind. _That's a lie. Nothing can occupy my mind right now._ Heading for the door, I double check that I look half decent and pull the door open. "Hey, Cal." Stepping aside, my ex-wife brushes past me, two bottles of wine in her hand.

"I brought your favorite." She shrugs. "Well, at least I think it's still your favorite."

"It is." I smile. "Sofia is out back if you want to go and see her." I don't want to seem distant from her, not since I invited her here tonight, but I do have to keep that distance a little. I do have to remember that she is my ex-wife for a reason and no matter how long she spends in my home, she is here as a friend and as Sofia's mother.

"Sure." She nods. "Should I just leave these on the counter?" Holding up the bottles of wine, I give her a nod in agreement and she sets them down. "Are you sure it's okay for me to be here?"

"Of course." I wave off her comment. "Go and see your daughter, Callie." Giving me a small smile, I follow behind her and that familiar scent hits me square in the chest. I meant what I said when I told Sofia that I missed her mama, but I'm still not sure in what capacity. Like, do I miss what we had? Of course, I do. Do I miss it enough to even entertain the thought of ever being something more than what we are now? I'm not sure. I hate that I'm feeling this way because I've tried so hard to move on, and I have, but she is back, and I can't help but wonder if she truly misses me like she said she did to Sofia. Again, she could miss me for totally different reasons. She could also be saying it to our daughter to please her and nothing more.

A squeal breaking me from my thoughts, I smile when Sofia runs to Callie and she picks her up, her arms wrapping around her little midsection. "Hi, Mija. I told you I'd surprise you."

"Mama, you're here." She wraps her arms around my ex-wife's neck and nuzzles into her. "Missed you." She mumbles against the skin of Callie's neck.

"I missed you, too." The older brunette sighs, her voice filled with emotion. "I'm joining you for dinner tonight. Mommy was awesome and invited me."

"I told you she missed you, too." Sofia pulls back and smiles.

"You did." Callie gives our daughter her signature smile and it makes my heart beat a little faster. _Stop, Arizona. Just stop!_ "How about we go and wash up so we can help mommy with dinner?"

"Yay!" Our daughter bounces in Callie's arms. "And I want to show you my bedroom. Me and mommy painted together."

"Oh, you did, huh?"

"Mmhmm…" She nods. "Green."

"Green?" She glances my way and I hold up my hands. "Well, that's certainly different."

"It was what she wanted." I shake my head. "It's delightful." Stepping closer to me, she gives me a knowing smile and heads inside.

"Now, why do I sense a hint of sarcasm in your voice, Arizona?" Both of us laughing, tonight may not be so bad after all.

* * *

Sitting around the dinner table, I've never felt so at ease in my entire life. I know I shouldn't be, and I know I'm supposed to be keeping my distance from my ex-wife, but it feels so natural. It feels like it did when we were happy and together. I know we are playing happy families for the sake of our daughter, but it's nice. Sharing dinner with them both has been nice. I'd like to suggest we do it more often, but I'm not sure Callie would like that. I mean, the rare occasion, yeah…but her words from our therapy session keep swirling around in my head, and I don't want to even bring up the idea. I don't even want to tell her that I've enjoyed her company. The moment I do, she will remember why she left me, and I will have gotten my hopes up for nothing.

I suffocated her. She said it herself. I cannot bring myself to think about that awful day, but it's happening and I can't stop it. I can still see her face. I can still see her eyes when she spoke those words to me. The heartbreak, but the relief. The freedom. I can still feel her breath against my skin the night before our session when she made love to me for what turned out to be the final time. I've suppressed that memory for so long, and now that it's at the forefront of my mind, I'm struggling to even look at her. I can't because when I do, I'll cry. I'll cry for every time I held it in. I'll cry for the life I once had that was stolen from me. That's how I feel. I feel like I was never given the opportunity to try harder. It was her way or no way. I was tossed away. I've always known that.

"So, Sofia." The woman invading my thoughts catches my attention. "Mama has some news for you…"

"What?" Our daughter asks, a little impatiently.

"Well, you know I came by to visit you?"

"Mmhmm…" She nods as she shoves a final piece of chicken into her mouth.

"Well, mama has come home." Callie smiles. "I'm not going back to New York."

"Really?" Her eyes widening, she looks my way and I confirm what Callie has just told her. "So we can all be together again?"

"Looks that way." She shrugs. "Are you happy?"

"Yep." The smaller brunette sitting opposite me nods. "So, you will be here when I wake?"

"Oh no, sweetie." Callie gives her a sad smile. "But I'll be just a couple of minutes from you."

"Oh." She drops her gaze. "But you just said you had come home."

"I have, Mija."

"Isn't this your home with mommy?" I can see the confusion in my daughter's eyes, but this isn't my discussion to have.

"No, baby girl. Home is Seattle, but this is mommy's home. Not mine."

"But mommy misses you." She looks my way again and I drop my gaze. "Don't you?"

"Of course, I do." I clear my throat. "But mama and I are just best friends now, Sof. Kinda like you and Zola."

"So?"

"So, Zola doesn't live with you, does she?" I'm trying my best to explain this mess to our daughter, but I don't think she is taking any of it in.

"No…" She sighs. "But I wish she did and I wish mama did, too."

"I know, honey. Zola has a different home, though, and so does mama. That doesn't mean you can't see her all of the time. You can see her whenever you like. Maybe even stay with her when you miss her?"

"Can I, mama?"

"Of course, you can, Mija." She smiles and Sofia climbs into her lap. "Anytime you like." Glancing my way, I shake my head a little and stand. "Where are you going?"

"I have some stuff to do. You've got this here, right?"

"Sure." She furrows her brow. "Should I leave?"

"No." I shake my head. "Sofia is happy that you're here."

"But you're not…" She gives me a sad smile. "I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter what I think or feel, Callie. It didn't two years ago, and it doesn't now." My voice is painfully low. Taking the plates from the table, I move towards the kitchen and I hear Callie discussing something with Sofia. Little feet climbing the staircase, I feel a presence behind me but I don't even bother to turn around. I really don't want to do this right now. I'm not sure I have the energy for any more fighting with my ex-wife.

"Arizona?" Her voice soft, I know she is a little wary of my mood right now.

"Yeah?" I clear my throat as I begin loading the dishwasher.

"Can we talk?" She asks.

"About what?" I turn and face her. "What do we possibly have to talk about that we haven't already said?"

"This." She states. "Us. The fact that I'm back."

"Why do we need to talk about any of that?" I ask. " _This_ is nothing. It can't ever be. There is no _us_ anymore and there hasn't been for a long time, and the fact that you are back has nothing to do with me."

"But I feel like we should talk…" She gives me a genuine smile and I drop my gaze. "Whatever happened at the table then, it made you mad…so yeah, I think we need to talk. If we are going to work together for Sofia, we have to discuss what is going to happen."

"Not now." I sigh. "You can hang out when she is sleeping if you don't have anywhere to be but not now…okay?"

"When she is sleeping works fine for me." She nods.

"Okay, then you should fix her bath up for her and I'm sure she would love a story from you, too."

"Okay, are you okay down here?"

"I'm fine." I roll my eyes. "I've done this plenty of times alone."

* * *

Settled down on the couch, I pour myself a large measure of white wine and rest back. Callie may be in my home right now, but this is the first time today that I've had the opportunity to sit and think about her arrival in Seattle. It's the first time I've had five minutes to myself to think about anything other than my daughter. I mean, she's back. Callie is back. How do I feel about it? I guess I'm happy in some way. Sofia deserves to have the both of us close by, and that is exactly what she has now gotten. She shouldn't have to be flown back and forth to spend time with the people that she loves. She shouldn't have to miss either of us. This wasn't her doing. She never asked for any of this. She has been placed in the middle of all of this and there is nothing she can do about it.

Sitting here, I feel totally different to how I've felt since Callie asked for a divorce. I mean, I've never hated her for it, but I don't know how to be around her. I don't know how to act or what to say or whether we should even spend time alone. _I love her._ I always have, though, and I always will. She's been the only constant in my life for as long as I can remember and even though we are no longer together, we are still connected in some way. Whether that is through Sofia or the hospital, we are still connected. I never wanted any of this. I never wanted us to separate and live our own lives. I just wanted her. I just wanted my life to fall back into place and for us to be happy. Life never quite works out how you want it to, though. I know that better than anyone. _We_ know that better than anyone.

Callie moved on, though. She moved on and she left Seattle. Hell, we even went to court over our daughter. I never wanted that to happen either but I felt like I had to protect myself in some way. I already felt like the lesser parent at times, so yeah…the whole lawyer situation was totally me trying to protect myself. I never wanted to air our problems in public, in front of our friends, but what else could I do? She just expected to take my daughter away without a second thought. She didn't think about me in all of this. I guess in a way, I did do it to hurt her, but ultimately, I wanted to be recognized. I wanted to be seen as equal to my ex-wife where our daughter is concerned. Prove a point, maybe. Honestly, I just wanted it all to stop.

Right now, I can't help but feel like once again…Callie has jumped head first into her decision to leave Penny. I mean, she moved away with her. She must love her enough for her to ever even consider doing that. She wouldn't even move to Africa for me, but she moved for Penny. It speaks volumes, really, and I guess in some way, I'm a little jealous of what they have, or had. Not only did she fall in love with my ex-wife, but Penny was able to do the one thing that I couldn't, and that was to have a normal drama free relationship with Callie. Maybe I attract it. Maybe it will always be this way. Eliza left…literally, and Carina hooked up with Owen within two minutes of us ending things. I mean, is it me? Am I the problem?

The sound of my ex-wife descending the stairs, I shake myself from my emotion filled thoughts and release a deep breath. I want her here, I really do, but I'm already thinking about what could have been, and that isn't good for me. It's not good because even though I'd love nothing more than to take Callie in my arms, I know it's the wrong thing to do. I know that no matter how much I love her, she doesn't feel the same way. I screwed us up a long time ago, but she put the final nail in the coffin. _She_ divorced _me._ "Hey." I give her a small smile as she comes into the living room. "I wasn't sure if you wanted some wine so I didn't pour you a glass.

"I'd love some if that would be okay?" She raises one of her perfect eyebrows. "I wasn't sure you wanted me to hang around."

"It's okay. You can stay if you want." I pour a glass of red and hand it over to her as she takes a seat beside me. "Sofia sleeping?"

"Yeah. I wasn't sure she would ever sleep. She is way too excited that both of us are here again."

"Yeah." _I was too at one point._ "She has missed you."

"She missed you while she was in New York, Arizona. She really did." Giving me a knowing look, she sips on her glass of wine. "I did, too." She shrugs.

"I'm sure you didn't." I smile. "I mean, why would you?"

"Because I didn't anticipate how big of an impact you had on my life." Dropping her gaze, I furrow my brow and wonder where the hell this is going. "Like, things were good in New York, but they weren't as good as they had been here in Seattle."

"But that had nothing to do with me," I state. "I made you unhappy, Callie. There is a reason we didn't work out."

"But that wasn't your fault." She replies. "That was all on me. I know that. I know that I walked away without even trying. I know that I messed up."

"I think it's safe to say that we both messed up when we were together." Glancing at her over the rim of my glass, she gives me a nod in agreement. "I just hope you know that I didn't want any of this, though, Callie. The move. Sofia leaving. You leaving. I didn't even want the divorce. You said some things, though, and I knew that you didn't love me anymore. That is the only reason I agreed to let you go. You didn't love me, and I wouldn't have ever made you stay."

"I did love you, Arizona." She gives me a sad smile. "You are Sofia's mother, how could I not love you?"

"Okay, you weren't _in_ love with me anymore." I counter. "You needed to be free and I let you. I let you go and you went to live your life, happily, without me."

"I tried." She clears her throat. "I tried to live my life happily. It just…something felt missing. No matter how hard I tried, something was missing, and I could never truly settle. I guess it's why it was so easy for me to come back here."

"Yeah, you had a life here, Cal." I agree. "You were missing your friends, your normal. What you knew."

"I was missing you." She rushes out. _Wait, what?_

"Excuse me?" I set my wine glass down and give her a hard stare. "Why would you have missed me?"

"I just did." She sighs. "You were all I thought about whilst I was in New York. I guess being here meant that there was a chance we could have tried again, but when I left, I knew that any possibility of that had completely lessened. I just…I missed you."

"Sure." I don't even know what to do with her words right now. She has just admitted to missing me when all I wanted was to be with her, so no…I don't even know how to feel about this. About her comment. "Um…"

"I'm sorry." She runs her fingers through her hair. "I shouldn't have said that. It isn't what you need to hear." Setting her glass down, she clears her throat and takes my hand in her own. "Just…are you happy?" She asks.

"I guess so, yeah." I give her a slight shrug but the emotions coursing through me right now are close to breaking me. "Why?"

"I just want that for you." She smiles. "Whoever it is with…I want you to be happy."

"I was happy, Callie." I scoff. "I was happy with you and our daughter and then it turned to shit because you couldn't give me five minutes to figure anything out."

"I know." She admits. _I'm thankful that she recognizes where she went wrong._ "Truth is, I hate what I did to you. To us. That month we spent apart made me feel all different things about us, and when it came to the end of it, I couldn't see any other way to make you happy. We wanted different things."

"No, we wanted the same thing, at different times. There is a huge difference between the two." I tug my hand away from her own. "And you can't just come here and tell me that you missed me while you were away. It's been two years, Callie. Two years."

"I should go." She shakes her head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"Don't walk away," I speak barely above a whisper.

"What?" She furrows her brow.

"Don't walk away from me again." I shake my head. "You did that last time and I never got to tell you how I truly felt. Don't do it again now."

"Okay…" She breathes out. "I'm listening." Glancing up at her, her eyes find mine and it's the Callie I fell in love with all those years ago. Sure, we have grown and we have changed completely, but I can see it. In those gorgeous brown eyes, I can see everything I saw a good eight years ago. Honesty. Love. Intrigue. I only wish things could have been different towards the end. I only wish that she would have stayed, and worked this all out with me.

 _I only wish we had never ended…_

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Good to see all of my old followers here and some new ones, too. Great to have you all along for the journey. Aiming to get another chapter out tonight.**

 **Reviews are welcome and appreciated.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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Scared To Be Lonely: Four

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CALLIE'S POV

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I hate seeing Arizona like this. I thought she was good. I thought she was happy. Judging by the look in her eyes right now, though, she is anything but happy. I mean, I know there was always a lack of communication between us, but how did thing get this bad? She always seemed perky when I called to discuss Sofia. She always seemed…good. Maybe I was blocking out how I knew she really felt. Maybe I didn't want the guilt to eat away at me, I don't know. What I do know, though, is that my ex-wife is struggling to even look at me, let alone speak right now. She's asked me not to leave, and I've no intentions of doing so. She deserves to have her say. She deserves to tell me all of the things she should have had the opportunity to say before I left her. She deserves so much more than what she has been given. So much more. I don't know how much use any of this is going to do, but I want us to both be on the same page. I want us to have some sort of understanding between each other about our feelings and what is and isn't acceptable now.

I know I ruined any chance I had of us getting back together, but I really would like for us to be friends. I'd like for us to be able to call one another when we aren't doing so good and just talk things out. Whether that is because of Sofia, or someone we are dating, I want us to be able to support each other. I mean, Arizona was great when I met Penny, and I didn't expect that from her. Not at all. I imagined she would be bitter about our breakup, but she was the total opposite. I guess I should have known that, though. Arizona is such an awesome person and I'm not sure she has ever held a grudge. It's not her. It's not who she is. She's perky and she's smiley. It's what drew me to her when we first met. Perky and smiley was never my thing, and at times it was so annoying, but as I got to know her…as we developed a relationship, I couldn't live without it. _It's actually one of the things I missed most about her._

I can feel her eyes on me, but I can't look up. I can't bear that look on her face that tells me I messed this up big time. That look that says, I was all you ever needed. I know she was all I ever needed. I know that she was all I saw in my future. Things changed, though, and we became totally different people. Nothing was the same anymore. It's not even about her cheating anymore. Things just changed and I didn't know how to get us back to that good place. That strong relationship we had. The whole entire reason why we got married. I just felt lost, and I hated not being in control of things. I hated not knowing what was coming next. So I ran. _That's it._ "I ran." My words falling from my lips unexpectedly, I lift my head a little and she stares at me. "I ran and I promised you I wouldn't."

"You did." She nods. "And you ran real far away."

"I know."

"You know, it's not even the fact that you told me you wouldn't…" She sighs. "It's the fact that you didn't give me the chance to work it out. You didn't stop and think about how I felt in all of it. You said what you had to say, and you left that room. You left me sitting there wondering what the hell had just happened."

"I-I…" Releasing a deep breath, I shake my head. "I don't even know what to say to you…"

"Well, that makes a change." She laughs. "I missed you every day, Callie. Every single day. I didn't care that you had just walked away from us, I'd have taken you back in a heartbeat. I'd have welcomed you back into our home without a second thought. All I wanted was you. Sofia, and you." Her facial expression changing a little, she looks hurt. "You took me to bed, Callie. The night before you left me, you took me to bed. Did you know in that moment that you were saying goodbye?" She narrows her eyes. "Did you? Was that our goodbye?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" She raises an eyebrow. "How can you not know?"

"Everything happened so fast, Arizona. I didn't feel like I was making you happy anymore. I didn't feel like I could be the one to make you truly happy. Yeah, I may have used you and your behavior as an excuse, but ultimately, I was the problem. Me. Not you." Her mouth hanging open, I shift a little closer to her but she moves away from me. "Please hear me out."

"Y-You made me believe that I was the problem all this time? You said I suffocated you, Callie. You said you felt stuck with me. Why the hell would you say that? Why the hell would you make me feel like the worst wife, and mother in the world because you couldn't communicate?"

"I'm so sorry, Arizona," I reply. "I know we can never fix this, no matter how much I want to, but I need you to know that you were the perfect wife. You always will be an amazing mom. This was on me, and I know that I went about it all the wrong way, but I have to be honest with you. You have to know that no matter what I said to you in that therapy session, I still loved you. I always will."

"I missed you so much." Her words barely above a whisper, she drops her gaze and stands. "I missed everything, but you know what I didn't miss…feeling like I could never do the right thing. Feeling like I was always in some way letting you down. I don't miss that. I don't miss that feeling you often made me feel." _Wow, okay._ "I was always trying harder. Always wanting to be better for you. I know I messed up, and I know that you still hold it against me to this day, but you took me back. We bought a house together. Hell, we were even pregnant." Her voice breaking, I stand and stop her from pacing. "You just never gave me the chance for anything. You wanted everything and you wanted it in that moment."

"Arizona…" I hold out my hand but she doesn't even flinch.

"You took that as me not wanting another child. You took that as me not wanting to make our relationship better and our family bigger. You wanted it all there and then, and then you made me out to be the bad guy. You accused me of not wanting better for us...but I wanted it all with you, too. Just…not there and then. Not within a particular timescale."

"I just thought you were looking for a way out…" I sigh. "You were so sure about kids, and then all of a sudden, you weren't. You had other plans…"

"No, all I wanted was to better myself so I could feel something good inside again. I'd spent so long trying to recreate who I was, and it just wouldn't happen. So when that fellowship was offered to me, I felt like I could prove myself. Not just to everyone else, but to myself, too. I needed something to tell me that everything would be okay. That even though I'd been through a horrific time, things could and would improve. I just wanted to be a better person, a better surgeon. I wanted you by my side for that, but you left."

"I made a huge mistake," I admit. "The biggest. Both in walking away from you, and in leaving Seattle."

"You may feel that now, but at the time you knew what you were doing. You knew what you wanted and that wasn't me." She gives me a sad smile but she's wrong. "Have you ever forgiven me?" She asks. "Have you ever forgiven me for cheating on you?"

"Yes." I breathe out. "I forgave you for that a long time ago."

"When? Because you've never once told me that you forgive me. Did you just want to use it against me when it suited you? When you needed a reason to hate me?"

"No, Arizona." Holding up my hands, I dip my head to meet her gaze. "I forgave you for what happened because I realized that it wasn't about me. I realized it was a part of your process. A part of your recovery for the awful time you'd had. Sure, I don't like what happened, but you were struggling and I was forever just trying to make you feel better. You didn't need to feel better, you needed support. What support that was, I don't know, but I know that I wasn't the greatest help to you. I just…I wanted my wife back and I wanted your pain to disappear. I know now that it wasn't as simple as that. I realized that when I sat thinking about my reasons for leaving…and the conclusion that I came to was that you weren't to blame in all of this. I mean, I'm sure there are other ways to deal with things, but it happened and neither of us can change that. What we can do, though, is accept that we both made mistakes, and learn from it. Try to move on…"

"I have moved on, Callie." She cries. "I moved on from everything that we were because you moved away. You left. You had an amazing new life and I wasn't a part of that. I was nothing to you, anymore."

"You'll always be everything to me, Arizona." My words causing her to furrow her brow, I'm done with trying to be careful with my words. I'm done with just wanting her to be my friend. I've never wanted that, not truly. I've never wanted any of this, not deep down. "You may be unable to forgive me for leaving, and you may be unable to ever see past all of this, but if we can never be together again, you have to know that I never stopped loving you, and you will _always_ mean the absolute world to me." Leaning in, I place a kiss below her ear and she doesn't back away. I'm not sure how to take that, but I've said what I need to say, and I understand that I've hurt her way more than I ever thought I had. "So, I'm going to leave and allow you to do whatever it is you have to do." My heart breaking at the sight of my ex-wife holding herself, I desperately want to take her into my arms. I want to hold her and show her just how sorry I am. I can't do that, though. She doesn't want me anywhere near her.

"I don't hate you." She breathes out.

"I appreciate that." I give her a small smile as I back away.

"I just hate everything that happened." She admits. "I hate how you left me alone and expected me to just understand. I hate how you weren't there to support me and watch me become a better surgeon. Most of all, though? I hate that you were willing to leave because I couldn't give you what you wanted immediately."

"I hate it, too."

"I mean, you met Penny. You fell in love with her, but still…nothing has changed." She smiles. "And that is why I find it hard to believe that you really did still love me. It's why I find it hard to believe that you missed me and you ever wanted me back."

"I don't follow…"

"You wanted more kids, right?" I give her a nod in agreement. "But you couldn't give me around a year to finish my fellowship." _I've no idea where this is going._ "You couldn't give me that year, but here you are…almost two years on with no kid running around."

 _Shit!_

"You see where I'm going with this? You see why I don't understand how you suddenly want me back? You didn't leave me because you couldn't have what you wanted right away. You didn't leave me because me advancing my career wasn't advancing our family. I don't know your actual reasons, but I think you need to take some time to figure your life out. You need to take some time to figure out what the hell you want. I mean, imagine where we could have been right now if you'd just held out a little longer. Imagine what we could have had right now in this moment if you had given me some time?"

"I-I." Sighing, I drop my gaze and shake my head a little.

"Are you scared to be lonely, Calliope?"

"No," I say with certainty. "I'm scared that I've truly lost you forever."

"If you never wanted to lose me, you wouldn't have left me, Cal. You wouldn't have totally crushed my world and everything I knew because of the fact that I needed six months to work my ass off. You would have done any of that, but you did…so, I'm sorry, but you are going to have to give me a hell of a lot more than you are right now."

"God, my head is so messed up." Running my fingers through my hair, I release a deep breath and Arizona gives me a small smile.

"Welcome to my world…"

"I know this is all totally out of the blue, but do you think maybe we could have dinner together one night? Not right now, or anytime soon, but when you think that you can face another conversation with me? When you think that maybe we can just talk…"

"I don't know…" She shrugs. "I don't know what it will achieve."

"Look, I'm probably totally going to freak you out and scare you off right now, but I'd like to believe that one day we can try again. I know I'm completely way off with my hopes for my life back in Seattle, but I'd like to try again. You probably don't feel the same way, but I just want you to know that I'd like that if you ever possibly feel the same way someday…"

"I need some time to sort through all of this." She replies. "I need time to figure out what is even going on right now."

"I get that." I nod. "I'll back off. Just…I guess I'll see you around, okay?" Heading for the door, I grab my purse from the floor and my ex-wife follows behind me. "Thank you for dinner with you and Sofia." Turning, I give her a genuine smile and she studies my face.

"You know, I may have missed you from the moment you walked out on me, but I survived, Callie. I survived and I'm doing good."

"I'm glad." Heading out onto her porch, I shove my hands in my pockets and shift uncomfortably on my feet. "Take care, okay? Tell Sofia I'll see her soon."

"You can see her anytime you like," Arizona replies. "Just call me and we will arrange something."

"Sure." I nod. "Goodnight, Arizona."

"Bye, Cal." Stepping away from my ex-wife, the door closes and I give myself a moment to control my emotions. I know I messed up when I said everything I did during therapy, but I accept that. I'm fully responsible for the blame where our divorce is concerned. Yes, I took way too long to own up to my mistakes, but at the same time, I didn't think it had affected Arizona as much as it has. Not only am I responsible for the mess I created with her, I'm responsible for tearing my family apart. At least, that's how it feels.

Grabbing my cell from my pocket, I head off down the street and towards my hotel. This is going to take an entire lifetime to make right, but I'm willing to try. I'm willing to do my hardest to win Arizona back, and no length of time could ever stop me. No self-doubt could stop me. We are supposed to be together, I know that. I always did. Arizona is hurting right now, though, and I have to accept that I cannot simply walk back into her life.

 ** _Thank you for being honest with me tonight. I needed it. I don't know what the future holds for us, but mine definitely includes you, Arizona. I'll always be sorry for what I did, but I hope that one day you can forgive me. Callie x_**

 ** _I know you're sorry. Your eyes have always told me how you truly feel. It's just a shame you became so good at hiding them from me. Az._**

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews have once again been astounding. They are always welcome and greatly appreciated.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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Scared To Be Lonely: Five

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ARIZONA'S POV

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It's been almost two weeks since Callie left my place feeling the effects of her actions, and honestly, I'm still not quite sure how I feel. I'm not sure what she wants from me, and I don't like feeling this way. I meant it when I told her I'd moved on because I have. I've moved on from my past relationship where nothing ever seemed right or good enough. Don't get me wrong, we shared some amazing times together, but the bad times have left a bitter taste in my mouth and I'm not sure that will ever disappear. I'd like to believe that one day it will, but it's been hard getting over my ex-wife and I don't like how she has just reappeared and expects me to forget everything she ever said to me. I don't understand any of this. I thought she was happy. I thought she was settled and living an amazing life in New York. I guess it just goes to show that people don't always show their true self. Had I known she was unhappy in her new life, I think maybe I'd have grown a little closer to her. It's been two years, though, and a lot can happen in that length of time. A lot can happen and people change. I don't even know if Callie is still the same person she was before she left. I mean, she had already changed between the time we divorced and leaving for New York, and honestly, I feel like I don't know her anymore. I hate that. I hate feeling like she is a complete stranger in my life.

How can someone you were once so close to both emotionally and physically, become someone you barely even recognize? How can someone just disappear from in front of your eyes? That's how this all feels. The only normal I have in my life right now is my daughter and I've tried to focus on that, but Callie keeps creeping into my thoughts. Every time I look at my daughter I see her mother, so it's hard to completely detach myself from my ex-wife. It's hard, and it's becoming a problem. It's becoming a problem because it's beginning to affect my sleep. It's beginning to affect my everyday life. I want to call her and meet with her, but I'm struggling with the idea that she wants me back after all this time. I know I messed up long before she did, but she hurt me with the things she said. I mean, imagine being told by the one woman you expected to spend your life with that you are suffocating her. Imagine being told that someone feels like they need to be free from you…

It hurt, and it still does to this day. It's not a case of simply 'getting over it' in terms of her words because, in a way, I am over it…but how else am I supposed to feel when that same person suddenly decides to tell you that they never meant what they said? That they used you as an excuse for their own issues? I know I'm far from innocent, and in more ways than one, but we were working things out. We had moved forward. Bought a house. Gotten pregnant. We were doing good. I was more in love with Callie than ever before. Then it ended. It ended so abruptly that I didn't know what my life even was anymore. I guess that's what I'm struggling to understand more than anything else.

Am I happy that Callie is home? God, yes. I'll always want her around for Sofia and I. Do I want us to become a family again? Well, I miss her and I've always wanted her to be around, but we have things to talk about where our relationship is concerned. We may have said what needed to be said a few weeks ago, but we need to talk and talk, and talk some more. If we are going back into this, we need to be sure that we are making the right decision. I don't want our daughter to have to be passed back and forth again because we couldn't give our relationship a second chance. I don't want this to affect Sofia in any way at all.

I just want things to work out for the best. I just need to feel like this is all possible and it will be worth it in the end. After all, I'm the one who never wanted any of this. I'm the one who believed that we could be amazing again only to watch my ex-wife's back as she told me she couldn't do us anymore. My cell buzzing in my lab coat pocket, I pull it out and read the message on the screen from Kepner.

 ** _Attendings lounge in 5. x_**

 ** _Be there in 2. x_**

Rounding the corner, I sigh and slip my cell back away. April has always been pretty good at figuring this stuff out with me, and I called her this morning before I left for the hospital to see if she had five minutes for me to go over this all with her. She's got a pretty good idea who the topic of conversation is about, but she doesn't know the extent of it. She doesn't know that Callie wants us to try again.

Stepping inside the attendings lounge, I head straight for the coffee machine and pour myself a cup. It's been a long day and if I'm going to get through this conversation, I'll need it. I'll need _a lot_ of it. "Hey…" The door closing behind me, I offer April a cup and she gives me a slight nod. "Just done a surgery with your ex-wife." She states as she drops down onto the couch.

"Great." _I'm not sure what else she wants me to say._ I mean, it's only a matter of time before Callie is back in full swing at the hospital. "Everything okay?" I ask as I set down two cups and drop down beside her.

"Sure." She shrugs. "She was a little quiet, but I guess she is just getting back into things here. You know?"

"Yeah, I know." I sigh.

"So…" She draws out. "You had something you wanted to talk about?" She raises her eyebrow. "Is the hot Italian sex not doing it for you anymore?"

"I wouldn't know…there hasn't been any." I counter. "But no, this isn't about Carina."

"So what is it?" She gives me a look of confusion. "Everything okay with Sofia?"

"Sofia is great." I smile. "Perfect, even. Just…Callie is back."

"I know." She furrows her brow. "I just worked with her, remember?"

"No, she's back…for _me._ "

"O-Oh." My friend's eyes widen and she sits forward in her seat. "I feel like this should be done over tequila, not coffee."

"Yeah, me too." I laugh. "I just…what am I supposed to do? She came to my place and she was saying all the right things and apologizing, and just being the woman I fell in love with…" I cut myself off and rest my head back.

"Do you want to be with her?" April asks. "Only you know the answer to that, Arizona."

"I never wanted to _not_ be with her." I sigh. "Is it really as simple as just walking back into each other's lives, though?"

"Well, I can't really comment." She laughs. "I took a trip to Montana with Jackson to work on a surgery and ended up sleeping with him, so…"

"Right, yeah." I smile. "But how did that make you feel? Did it change anything for you guys?"

"Well, not really." She shrugs. "I'm pretty sure he's about to get some from his stepsister, and that's all kinds of weird, so I'm going to say no. No, it didn't change anything for us."

"Really?" I wrinkle my nose. "Maggie?"

"Looks that way." She shudders. "But this is about you and Callie."

"Yeah...or the lack of." I scoff.

"Do you see a future with her Arizona? Do you see you guys living together again and watching Sofia grow together?"

"When I close my eyes…it's _all_ I see." I drop my head into my hand. My other resting on my thigh. "It's all I've ever wanted."

"But you are struggling?" April gives me a sad smile and places her hand on my own. "Because of everything that's happened between you guys?"

"Yeah…" I run my fingers through my hair before reaching for my coffee and bringing my cup up to my lips. "So much has happened."

"It has, but did you ever really stop loving her?"

"No," I say with complete certainty. "One thing I've never done is fall out of love with her. Even when it got bad. Even when it got hard…the cheating, I still loved her more than anything in this world."

"But now?" April raises her eyebrow.

"I still love her." Now that I've said it out loud, I feel different. "Yeah, I still love her." I smile.

"Then you don't need me to tell you what to do." She gives me a knowing look. "If that love is there…don't ever let it go. It's so hard to find it out in that crazy world, and if you have it…keep hold of it, Arizona. You and Callie went through so much together, and I witnessed most of it, but you can be strong again. I've seen the way you guys look at each other. Even after the divorce, I could see how your behavior changed when she walked into a room. Her, too."

"Yeah?" I ask, a slight smile creeping onto my face.

"Um, yeah." She deadpans. "You know, I caught her checking you out more than once after you guys had separated?"

"No way." I laugh. "She hated me."

"No, she didn't." April counters. "I don't think she's ever hated you. Just…do the right thing, Arizona."

"And what is the right thing?" I ask, running my hands down my thighs.

"You already know the answer to that…just think about it."

"Thanks, April." Pulling her into a hug, we both sigh and draw this moment out for a little longer.

"God, I need to get me a Callie Torres." She laughs.

"Hey!" I pull back. "Hands off, lady. This one is mine."

* * *

Pulling my scrubs from my body, I sigh and throw them into the laundry. It's been one hell of a day and I could really use a hug right now. My last surgery was touch and go and it's been a while since I've doubted my abilities at the table. A long time. Maybe I just need to sleep. Maybe I just need to breathe and relax and slip off into a dark room. I can already feel a headache coming on, but I don't have time to allow it to get the better of me. Callie is taking Sofia for the night, and the plan for me was to get some work done at home and then meet a few of the guys for drinks at Joe's.

I'd thought about just relaxing at home, but it's been a while since I've caught up with everyone, and I guess it could be good for me right now. Joe's has always been my go-to place after a long day at work, so it could be good. It could be enjoyable. My cell buzzing, I glance at the screen half naked and sigh. There go my plans for this evening.

 ** _Have to hang back here with a patient. I'm so sorry. Callie x_**

 ** _Don't worry, I was in two minds as to whether to go out tonight anyway. Az_**

 ** _Get a sitter. I'll pick Sofia up as soon as I get out of here. I'm sure you could use a night out. Callie x_**

 ** _Don't worry about it. I'll rearrange. Az_**

 ** _No, you won't. Go out. Have fun. I'll be there to collect Sofia as soon as I can. Callie x_**

I mean, I could definitely use a night out after the day I've had, but I don't really want Sofia with a sitter. Yeah, the things said in the court case do play on my mind, so I worry about what people think when I leave my daughter with someone else for a few hours. I know I'm entitled to a night out like everyone else, but not everyone else was slut-shamed in court in front of their friends.

 ** _I'll see how it goes. Az_**

 ** _Just let me know what the plan is. I'm sorry I can't get there at the agreed time. Callie x_**

 ** _It's fine. Work always messes things up. Az_**

Locking my cell, I shove it into the back pocket of my jeans and shrug my blouse over my shoulders. _Yeah, maybe I will get a sitter._ Fixing myself up a little better, I grab my purse and my jacket and head out of the locker room. I have a few hours to kill so I'll head home and decide on my plan of action. Either way, I have the day off tomorrow, so whatever happens…happens.

* * *

 ** _I'm finishing up now. I can be at your place in the next twenty. Callie x_**

After spending two hours thinking about my evening, I decided to allow Sofia to spend the evening with Zola. Amelia offered, and I'd rather she was with her friend and extended family than with a sitter. I didn't bother to text Callie back because I figured she would just get in touch when she was finished at the hospital.

 ** _At Joe's. Sofia is staying with Zola and Amelia. Az_**

 ** _Oh. So what should I do? Disturb her and collect her or not bother? Callie x_**

 ** _Come by the bar. Everyone is here. They'd love to see you. Az_**

I'd love to see her too. I know alcohol and me don't always go so well together, but I've been thinking about Callie since before I left my place, and those thoughts have only grown whilst I've been sitting here nursing my glass of white.

 ** _Are you sure? I'm trying to keep my distance. Callie x_**

 ** _I don't want you to keep your distance. Az_**

I appreciate that she is trying to do what I want, but I guess if I'm going to try to get back to a good place, she should be around a little more than she has been. Besides, our friends are here so it's not like she is only meeting up with me. I guess having people between us can only help if things become a bit too much for either of us.

 ** _I'll just stop by for one. Callie x_**

 ** _What are you drinking? Az_**

 ** _The usual, thanks. Callie x_**

Removing myself from my seat I head to the bar and place a drinks order. Rum and coke for Callie, followed by a shot of tequila, and a fresh wine for me. The one I've been staring at for the past forty minutes is a little warm now, anyway. Thanking Joe for my order, I head back to my table and April gives me a knowing look. "What?"

"Rum?" She raises her eyebrow.

"Callie is stopping by to see everyone." I counter as I clear my throat.

"Sure she is." My friend laughs. "You know she couldn't care less if anyone else was here right now."

"Bite me!" Flipping Kepner the finger, she feigns a look of horror and we both turn around as the bell above the door signals someone's arrival. _Oh god, it's her._ Okay, so I don't know why I'm feeling so nervous right now, but I am. That familiar scent hitting me as she weaves her way through the crowd of people and comes to stop beside me, I close my eyes for a fraction of a second and breathe. It's so intoxicating. _She_ is so intoxicating. "H-"Hey…" I give her a smile and slide her drink across the table a little. "Good to see you."

"You too." She sets her purse down and moves in a little closer between April and me. "Hey, Kepner."

"Torres." She gives my ex-wife a smile and climbs down from her stool. Furrowing my brow, she gives me a knowing look and moves away from us. "Back in five."

Disappearing out of view, I'm left with nothing but Callie and my own thoughts. Usually, the two isn't such a good combination but I should try to make more of an effort. I get that. "How's the hospital?"

"Still standing when I left." She smirks. "You know, I totally could have collected Sofia."

"I know you could." I agree as I sip on my drink. "But everyone is here, and now that you are back…you are included in 'everyone'."

"That's sweet." She gives me a knowing look. "But you don't have to involve me. I know I have to build all of these relationships again."

"You're joking right?" I snort. "They all love you." _Me included._

"Maybe, but I disappeared." She shrugs. "Thanks for the drink." Holding it up between us, I give her a smile and she takes a seat beside me. "Would you mind if I sit with you?"

"Not at all."

"I'd sooner hold a conversation with you than a drunk Karev, or a bunch of interns."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment." I laugh. "How have you been?"

"Okay, I guess. Just trying to figure things out. Find a place to live. Throw myself into work at the hospital. You know…the usual."

"You haven't found anywhere yet?"

"No." She drops her gaze. "Just didn't want to rush anything."

"Well, if the hotel becomes too much, you know I have a guest room," I respond, nonchalantly. "Failing that, Sofia would love to share her bed with you."

"That's kind, but I'm sure you don't want or need me around your home." Knocking back her drink, she clears her throat and slips off of her stool. "You want another?"

"I thought you were only staying for one?" I narrow my eyes.

"Well, I'm here now and honestly…I could use a good drink."

"Mmhmm…" I smirk. "I see some things never change, huh?"

"I wish that were true." About to step away from me, I grip her wrist and pull her back towards my table.

"It's going to take time, Calliope."

"I know." She gives me a nod in agreement. "I'm sure I'll find my feet here again soon. Just…have to wait it out, I guess."

"No, I mean us." I lower my tone. " _We_ are going to take time."

"Y-You mean…" Her own brow furrowed, she motions between us and a slight smile creeps onto her face. "You mean there could be a chance?"

"I'd like to try," I admit. "Just…slow, okay?" I know we have a long way to go, but just being around her for the short time I have tonight, it makes me feel a little calmer about us. I guess avoiding each other isn't the way to go about this. Not if we really want to try. "I don't know where we are headed, but yeah…I want to try."

"Thank you." She breathes out. "I'd hug you but people will talk." She rolls her eyes playfully.

"Screw _people_." Pulling her into a hug, it feels like it always did. Safe. Comfortable. Like home. Turning my head a little, I take in the scent of her shampoo and it makes me a little dizzy. "Thank you for coming back…" My breath washing over the side of her face, her eyes close and the most adorable smile appears on her face. "…for me."

"I never should have left..."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**

 **Once again, an awesome response to the last chapter. Not one I expected if I'm totally honest.**

 **Also, Happy Thanksgiving to all of my American followers. Have an awesome day! Xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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Scared To Be Lonely: Six

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CALLIE'S POV

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Wow. It's all I have. Last night Arizona told me the one thing I never expected to hear from her, and I'm feeling euphoric right now. I mean, we spent a long time together and I know her inside and out, but I feel like this is all totally new to me. I feel like I'm about to get involved in this relationship for the first time ever, and all I'm feeling is excitement. Uncertainty for what we will face, but excitement, too. I mean, how can I not feel that? I'm about to get involved with my ex-wife again, and it's the best feeling in the world. Maybe it's the fact that I truly believed I'd lost her forever. When I left her place two weeks ago, I'd never felt so sure about anything in my life, but in that moment, I honestly thought that we were done. I honestly thought that I'd never hold her in my arms again. I know it's going to take time, but I'm ready, and I'm prepared for that. I don't expect it to be easy, and there may be days when we both need to take a step back, but I can work with that. I can work with the fact that we both have a lot of making up to do.

I understand that we both have to think through everything that is about to come, but honestly...I'm ready to get started. I'm totally ready to rebuild my life and my family. It's all I've wanted since I knew what a mess I'd made of all of this. It's all I've wanted since I watched Arizona sit in that courtroom and tell me _and_ everyone else how much our daughter would always be loved. I think it was in that moment that I realized just what kind of woman I was letting go. It was in that moment that I knew I'd made a huge mistake. It was too late, though. I mean, maybe it wasn't too late, but in that moment, I believed it was. We were sitting in a courtroom together and fighting over our daughter. How was I supposed to just hold my hands up and apologize for what I'd created? How was I supposed to stand up and stop everything from going any further? We were way beyond a relationship at that point. We were way beyond everything we ever stood for.

Strolling down the street, I'm desperately trying to settle these nerves I have going on right now. Arizona has invited me over for coffee whilst Sofia is at school, and I jumped at the opportunity. I just wish I didn't feel so nervous. It's how I always feel around her lately and that's totally not me. It has never been. I mean, she is the mother of my child…what is there to be nervous about?

Reaching her porch, I release a deep breath and put on my best smile. Pressing the bell, I hear movement behind the door and it settles me a little. I don't know why, but I've been expecting her to cancel all morning. I know she wouldn't do that to me, but still…it was in the back of my mind. The door opening, her dimples come into full view and my heart pounds in my chest. "H-Hi." I stutter.

"Hey, Cal." She smiles. "Come on in." Stepping around her, my eyes close momentarily and I smile to myself. _She smells amazing._ Last night, the one thing that settled me as I sat beside her at Joe's was her scent, and it's having the exact same effect right now. _She calms me._ I can hear her talking, but I'm not taking any of it in.

"Callie?"

"Huh?" I turn to face her. "Sorry, what was that?"

"I said did you still want coffee, or?" Giving me a look of confusion, I nod and make my way into the kitchen with her. "You not working today?" She asks as she pours two cups.

"No." Taking a seat at the kitchen island, I watch my ex-wife move around her kitchen and I feel like I could watch her forever. She looks amazing, she really does. "Have you been working out?" I ask.

"Um…" Turning to face me, she furrows her brow. "N-No, why?"

"You look incredible, Arizona."

"Just looking after myself." She shrugs as she sets a coffee down in front of me. "New York looks like it worked well for you, too."

"Mm, a lot of walking." I smile. "Crazy hours at the hospital, too."

"Did you enjoy it there?" She asks.

"Which? Working at the hospital?"

"All of it? Is New York a nice place to live?" She rests against the counter opposite me and places her chin against the palm of her hand. Her elbow propping her up.

"It's a beautiful place but it's too busy for me." I shrug. "The sound of the city late at night made me crave Seattle more as the days passed."

"Yeah, I couldn't do that level of busy. Seattle is busy enough for me." She smiles. "Sometimes too busy."

"Isn't everywhere?" I raise an eyebrow.

"I guess it is, yeah." A slight sigh leaving her lips, she falls silent.

"Thank you for inviting me over today." I reach across the counter and place my hand over her own. "It means a lot."

"We have to start somewhere, right?" Her blue eyes piercing into my soul, I give her a nod in agreement. "I just…I don't know what to do." She admits. "I feel like I don't know you anymore, Callie."

"I'm still me…"

"Except you're not." She smiles. "Neither of us are the same people we used to be."

"You don't think?" I furrow my brow. "I mean, I know I've been away, but I don't feel any different."

"I do." She shrugs and stands in an upright position. "I feel like this is totally different between us now. I don't know if it's because things were said, or just the breakup in general, but I feel like a different person."

"And is that good, or?"

"You know…I think it is." She replies. "I think I'm a better person than I was before we broke up." Pulling herself up onto a stool, she toys with her coffee cup. "I mean, I don't feel that hate anymore. That anger."

"From the crash?" I ask.

"Yeah." She smiles. "I made it. I'm here. That's what I have to focus on. No matter how bad it got, I made it through and I feel like I'm who I should be, and where I should be."

"I'm happy for you." _God, I've wanted her to feel like this for so long._ "I'm happy that you got through."

"Me too." She gives me a nod in agreement. "I think I'm more proud of the fact that I got through it alone. I never thought I would, but I wasn't raised to give up. I wasn't raised to let anything beat me." She shrugs. "Sure, I went about it the wrong way, but ultimately…I did good."

"You did." My smile widening, I squeeze her hand and close my eyes. "I just wish I could have been there for you."

"You were…to a point."

"No, I should have been there for you fully. Every step of the way." I give her a sad smile. "I'm sorry I couldn't be that person for you."

"It's okay." She waves off my comment. "I hurt you in the process of my recovery so you don't owe me anything."

"But we can move forward, right?" My heart pounding in my chest, I'm not entirely sure she wants this. Us.

"We can." She agrees. "But I need to know that you are all, Callie. I need to know that this isn't going to fall apart before it's even gotten going. I don't think I have it in me to fight with you anymore. I don't have any fight left in me for anything. I just want to be happy. I just want _us_ to be happy."

"I'm all in Arizona." Standing, I round the counter and move a little closer to her. "I should have always been totally in where you were concerned. I just...I'm sorry." Turning to face me, she gives me a sad smile and a single tear slips down her face. "I never should have let you go." My hand resting against the soft skin of her face, she leans into my touch and I run my thumb across her cheek. "I always loved you…"

"Calliope…" Her words barely above a whisper, her eyes close momentarily and she places her own hand over my own. "I've missed you so much…" My skin igniting, I pull her into my body and she grips my waist. This is the Arizona I know and love. This is the woman I knew before the worst time of our life happened. I thought the car crash was the worst time, but sitting alone at home for four days waiting for any news that Arizona was even alive absolutely crushed me inside. The thought of ever losing her tore my heart in two. I mean, how could I have ever been a single mom? How would I have explained her death to Sofia? Not only did I expect to receive that devastating phone call, I expected there to be no body to bring home.

Holding her right now, though, makes all of that pain worth it. Holding her like this reminds me that I didn't lose her physically, but mentally I did. Mentally she wasn't there. She wasn't my wife. Looking back, I'd have liked to have done things differently…but hindsight is a wonderful thing. _Maybe one day I'll tell her how I felt in those moments. Maybe one day I'll tell her how I waited for any sign of life._

* * *

"Sofia!" The sound of my ex-wife's voice piercing through her home, my daughter jumps down from beside me on the couch and heads for the staircase. "Sof?"

"Coming, mommy!" The sound of what can only be described as a baby elephant running around above me, I smile and pull myself from Arizona's comfortable couch. _Today has been amazing._ After our earlier discussion, Arizona suggested that we collect Sofia from school together, and it was a no-brainer. I mean, the thought of doing that together made my heart soar, and since we collected her, we have all spent the evening together. Dinner. Stories. Fun. Our daughter is totally wiped but like me, she often fights her sleep. Arizona has that under control, though. It's where she has always been a little sterner than me where Sofia's behavior is concerned. Me, I'd roll over and give the kid whatever she wants, but my ex-wife? No. She recognizes when enough is enough, and right now is one of those times. It's a little after 8 pm so it's already after her bedtime, and Arizona isn't playing around anymore. I know my being here only excites our daughter, but I don't want to interrupt her routine. So, I'll say my goodbyes and I'll head back to the hotel for the night.

Climbing the staircase, I hear my daughter giggling as Arizona prepares her for bed, and I simply stand back watching. Leaning against the frame of the door, I've missed this. I've missed family time. Bathtime. Nights together snuggled on the couch with a movie. Both with, and without Sofia. I've missed everything about this moment that is playing out in front of me and I hate that. I hate everything that we have become. This isn't us. It never was. We shared everything together. We laughed. We loved. We fell apart only to come back together. But this? This is how it always should have been. The three of us. Nothing else matters. Not really.

"Mama!" My daughter runs to me and climbs up into my arms. "Can you take me to school tomorrow?"

"Of course, Mija." Placing a kiss on her forehead, she climbs down and slips into bed. "I'll come by and collect you."

"But I want breakfast with you, too." She pouts. "With you and mommy."

"Mama will try to get here early and take you guys out to breakfast, okay?"

"No." She folds her arms over her chest.

"Sofia." I give her a knowing look but she doesn't back down.

"I want breakfast here." She whimpers. "In my pajamas."

"Okay." I smile and glance at Arizona. She gives me a nod and places a kiss on our daughters head. My own following, Sofia gives me a smile and yawns. "Love you, mama."

"I love you, too, Mija."

"Goodnight, big girl. I love you."

"Love you, mommy." Watching as my daughter snuggles down into her covers, her little eyes close and I back out of her bedroom. My body connecting with Arizona's, I glance over my shoulder and give her an apologetic smile.

"Sorry," I whisper.

"It's okay." Her arm wrapping around my waist, she steps aside a little and rests her head on my shoulder. "This place is so quiet when she is sleeping."

"Mm, I know." I snort. "That girl is _the_ loudest child ever known."

"Wonder who she gets that from." My ex-wife's hand grazing the small of my back, she steps away and heads for the staircase. "I'll see you downstairs." Giving her a nod, I close Sofia's door over and quietly head down to the lower level.

Finding Arizona in the kitchen and leaning against the counter, I furrow my brow and head in her direction. "You okay?"

"Yeah…" She gives me a sad smile. "Just kinda wishing this night wasn't over."

"Me too." I agree and come to rest beside her. "I've loved it, I really have."

"Did you want to stay a little longer?" She raises an eyebrow. "I have a bottle of wine with our names on it."

"How could I refuse?" I smile. "If you wouldn't mind?" Shaking her head, she grabs two glasses and I take the wine from the counter. "You know, I've missed this." Following her into the living room, she gets comfortable on the couch and I take a seat beside her. "Just the three of us."

"Yeah?" Her eyes brighten a little. "I lay awake thinking about it most nights."

"Tell me…" I hand her a glass of wine and settle back on the couch. "Tell me everything that's happened since I left."

"Like what?" She furrows her brow.

"Anything."

"Um...Work is going well." She shrugs. "It's not as full on as peds was, but it's a welcome change."

"I always knew you would be amazing…" I drop my gaze. "Kinda wish I could have been around to see all of the awesome stuff you've done since."

"Yeah, it was hard…but so worth it."

"Good." I smile. "Did you date at all?"

"I did." She laughs. "Turned to shit like it always does, but it was good while it lasted."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, it was only recently that she left, actually." Shrugging, she sips on her wine and I sense a little sadness from her. "But everything happens for a reason, right?"

"I'd like to believe so, yeah." Clearing my throat, I sit forward a little and face my ex-wife fully. "Can I say some stuff to you?"

"Yeah." She sets her wine glass down and turns in her seat a little. "What's up?"

"I just need to say some stuff I should have said a long time ago."

"O...kay." She agrees.

"I just…I was always terrified of losing you, Arizona. So much so, that ultimately, I pushed you away. I mean, I was forever telling you how brave you were and how proud I was that you made it through that plane crash, but inside, I was dying. I was hurt. In pain." Taking her hand in my own, she laces our fingers together and I've never been so relieved that she hasn't pulled away. "When we were waiting…you know, to find out if you guys had made it…the days just rolled into one. I couldn't think of anything other than losing you. I couldn't breathe when I thought about it. About you. Dying. I just…" My voice breaking, she tightens her grip and runs her thumb over my knuckles. "I was planning your funeral. I was going over in my head what I would say to Sofia. To your parents. I was imagining my life without you because I truly believed that I'd lost you forever. I couldn't show that when you came home alive to me, though. I couldn't be the one who was hurting because I had to be the strong one. I had to be the one who helped you through it."

"I lived, Callie."

"I know, and I will be forever thankful to whoever pulled you through that. I should have told you how scared I was. I should have told you how much it hurt to know that you could have been dead and I was sat at home waiting and praying that they would at least give me a body to bury. Something to visit. Somewhere to cry. I should have told you how grateful I was that you had come home to me, but I couldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because you were hurting more than me. I could see it in your eyes. I could see how terrified you were when things weren't recovering as fast as we both would have liked. Then you coded. Alex came to me and told me that you had to lose the leg. I'd promised you. I'd promised the only woman in the world that I loved that I wouldn't do that, but I did."

"But you didn't."

"I made the decision, Arizona, but I had to. I had to agree to the amputation. You'd have died, and I wasn't prepared to go through all of that again. I wasn't prepared to arrange your funeral or live my life without you. I'd only just got you back. I'd only just looked into those beautiful eyes and seen life in them."

"We should have talked more." She brings my hand up to her mouth and places a kiss to my skin. "We should have done things so much different than what we did."

"And then you changed. You weren't the woman I knew. You weren't my wife. You hated me. You couldn't even be in the same room as me. But I got it. I understood that things were different. That _you_ were different. I just…I knew you would eventually come back to me. The woman I'd married...but you didn't and I felt like I was losing you all over again. I didn't know what to do. How to be. What to say. I didn't know if once you'd recovered physically whether you wanted me around. I couldn't read you anymore, and that scared me. It terrified me."

"I'm sorry." Her own voice breaking, I shake my head a little.

"I don't want an apology, Arizona. I just want you to know that even though I didn't lose you in that crash, I lost you in my life. That is why I walked away. No matter what we did and no matter how great it sometimes felt, I'd lost you long before our therapy sessions. At least, that's how I felt inside. I couldn't watch us fall apart any more than we already had. It hurt too much. I loved you so much that I had to let you go. You may not have seen it then, but look at you now? Look how strong you are. How perfect you are. How amazing you are…"

"I know." She sighs. "And I'm beginning to think that maybe we had to fall apart to come back together."

"It was never my intention to hurt you, but I couldn't see any way out of the hurt we kept causing each other. Every time I thought we were going to be okay…it fell apart. The distance between us became huge, and what we were towards the end was simply a band-aid. I just want you to know that I knew I'd always come back. If I'd have been too late, then that would have been on me, but I never wanted us to end forever. We needed space. You needed to heal. I needed to lick my wounds. I just…I love you, okay?"

"I love you, too." Those words falling from her mouth sending my heart soaring, she pulls me in a little closer and honestly, I can't breathe right now. Arizona and everything that she is has totally consumed me, and I don't even feel like I'm in my own body right now. "I always have, Calliope."

"I've had a beautiful day with you, and I'm looking forward to so many more of them." I smile. "And I can now say for certain…that I _am_ proud of you. I am amazed by how far you have come. You are incredible, Arizona. Don't ever forget that."

"Thank you." She sniffles. "For being honest with me. For letting me in and being so open."

"I just knew that in order for us to work…I would have to be honest."

"I was too consumed with my own thoughts and anger that I totally left you behind. I know you hurt just as much as me, and I know that you lost, too. I just…I was in a terrible place. A place I never wish to be again."

"I know." I smile. "But it's out there now. We move forward, okay?"

"Okay." She breathes out.

"I should head off." I sigh. "It's getting late and the longer I stay here, the more I'll want to stick around."

"Stay…"

"I shouldn't." I drop my gaze.

"Sofia wants you to be here in the morning and you are more than welcome to take the guest room." She smiles. "Just…stay, Callie."

"Okay." I agree. "It would be kinda nice to wake up to the both of you."

"Yeah, it would." She runs her fingers through her hair. "Thank you for giving me a chance."

"Oh, I wouldn't call it giving you a chance." She smirks. "I'd say it's just doing the right thing." Settling back again the couch, I place my hand on her thigh and she keeps a tight grip on it. I feel like the air has totally been cleared tonight and honestly, I've never felt so light and free as I do right now. I was never _stuck_ with her. She was never the one suffocating me. It was my own thoughts. My own fears. I allowed them to completely consume me and in the end…I lost her anyway.

 _But look what I've gained? The Arizona I know and love…_

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always. I'm surprised by how well this fic has been received. It's good to be back.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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Scared To Be Lonely: Seven

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ARIZONA'S POV

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Waking to the sound of laughter coming from the kitchen, I lie back in my bed and smile. Last night opened my eyes to a lot of things, but the one thing I appreciated more than anything was the openness of my ex wife. It's all I've ever wanted. It's all I've ever needed. Her words. Her true thoughts. Her genuine opinions. I mean, I know we totally got lost where communication was concerned, but I never knew she felt that way. I never knew that she was so scared. I guess it makes sense…but she never really showed that she cared that much. Yeah, in a way she did, but Callie isn't really one for truly showing her emotions. She isn't one for being open and honest at any given opportunity. That's okay, though. It was something I'd become used to. Not what I wanted, but that's just how some people are I guess.

Hearing those words from her…hearing how genuinely scared she was for what was happening has made me feel totally different. I know she was scared of everything that was to come, but I never once imagined that she thought of me as dead. I never once imagined she truly felt that way. It makes sense, though. Why would she have thought I was still alive? Why would she have thought that everything would be okay? I didn't run away…I was in a plane crash. _Who actually survives plane crashes?_ I never imagined I'd survive. After the first few hours, I never imagined I'd ever see my family again. That hurt. It hurt beyond words. As the days passed, that feeling only increased. As the days passed, I knew that it would be hit and miss for each of us. Slowly, I felt that pain subside. Slowly, I watched my life flash before me. I didn't know what to do with any of that. I didn't know how to react. So I lay there. Still. Calm. Just waiting for death to take over my body. It was no use fighting it anymore. I'd fought it for days. Nobody was coming. Nobody was surviving. Mark was barely hanging on, and the more I watched him slip in and out of consciousness, the more I realized that we were no survivors.

I tried to think of them. Sofia and Callie. I tried to push everything else from my mind and focus solely on them, but it was hard. So many noises and feelings around me. Nothing felt right anymore. Nothing felt real. Lexie was dead. Mark was dying. Meredith and Cristina had even fallen silent. When that happens…you know there are issues. When they fall silent, you know that nothing is ever going to be the same again. I just…I don't know where I found the strength, but I did. I didn't see the bright light. I didn't see that shadow coming for me. I didn't have anyone telling me to hold on. I just did. For my family. For my friends. For me. I held on, and I'm here.

Callie, though? God, she struggled. I guess I should have been more aware of the people around me. I guess I should have taken into consideration what they had been through. What _she_ had been through. How could I have ever expected her to just be okay? Don't get me wrong…she is one of the strongest people I know, but she can't be strong all of the time. She can't be the one who fixes everything at any given opportunity. She's human. She has a heart. A heart that I discovered last night was totally broken. I wish I'd tried harder to be a better person during my recovery. I wish I'd been the person I was raised to be. Strong. Hopeful. Confident. I just couldn't see past that dark shadow I had hanging over me for a year. I just couldn't feel anything other than loss. Loss for who I used to be. Loss for my body. Loss for my mind. Everything became a blur, but I know that it was a part of the healing process. I know that it was how it was supposed to go. However much Callie was hurting, I was hurting more. I know it sounds awful and selfish, but I'm the one who experienced all of that. I had to grieve for myself. _I just have to understand that she was grieving, too._

I never wanted her to feel pushed out or like she had lost me. It wasn't my intention. I tried to be me, and I tried to find my happy place again…it just wouldn't happen. It wouldn't come to anything whenever I lay still and calmed the waves. My body may have been calm, but my mind was racing. Constantly. The anxiety. The low self-esteem. It ate away at me as each day passed, and the more I let it, the less I felt like myself. I just couldn't fix it. I have to remember that I survived, though. I have to remember that I'm loved and I'm cared about. My daughter means the absolute world to me…and Callie has made it clear that she wants this. She wants there to be an us. I know I'm still wary of her intentions and how this is going to go, but I have to try. For my own sanity…I have to try.

Climbing from my bed, I fix my prosthetic in place and stand. Even to this day, I'm a little unbalanced when I first attach it to my body. It's not so bad anymore, though. It's not so bad since things got better and I've learned how to manage my pain and my anger. Some days it isn't so good, but my life is pretty amazing right now and that is all that matters. Heading out of my bedroom, I feel a little strange. I mean, my ex-wife is here and I don't know how to feel about that. Of course, I'm happy...but at the same time, I want to do this right. I want to do it right but I'm so desperate to kiss her. _I shouldn't, though, right?_ That would be a bad move on my part. That would be a terrible move.

Descending the stairs, my heart pounds in my chest when I finish Callie in my kitchen…in her underwear, and my daughter dancing on the counter. It's a beautiful sight, but it's one that I've missed so freaking much. "Mommy!" Sofia turns to face me and holds out her arms.

"Hi, big girl." Approaching the counter, she wraps her arms around my neck and I pull her into a hug. Fixing her legs around my waist, I catch Callie watching us out of the corner of her eye and she approaches us both. "Morning, Cal." Giving her a genuine smile, she leans in a little closer and presses a soft kiss to my lips. _Wow!_ That feeling. That connection. That spark. It's all I've wanted to feel since the day she left, and now that I've felt it, I'm not sure I can live without it again.

"Mama!" Sofia yells. "You kissed mommy!"

"I did." She realizes what she has done and clears her throat. "Why don't we go and get you dressed so mommy can enjoy her breakfast, huh?"

"Okay." She gives my ex-wife her best smile and climbs down from my upper body. "Mommy, we made you pancakes."

"You did?" I smile. "Thank you." Sofia running away, Callie stops in the middle of the kitchen and studies my face. "You okay?" I furrow my brow.

"Yeah, are you?" Giving me a knowing look, I smile and nod in agreement. "You sure?"

"Perfect."

* * *

Headed back from dropping Sofia at school, my ex wife is sitting in the passenger side of my car and it's all a little awkward right now. I don't know why, but it just feels that way. I don't feel awkward about what happened, and I don't regret the kiss this morning but I'm beginning to wonder if Callie feels the same way. I'm beginning to wonder if she wishes it didn't happen. I'm sure I'm thinking way too much into this, but it's still a thought, and we have both agreed that we have to be honest with each other.

Glancing her way, she's staring out of the window and if I'm not mistaken, there is a slight smile settled on her face. I've always loved morning Callie. I don't know why. I guess it's just because she seems more moody and bad ass than she does the rest of the day. "So…" Pulling her from her thoughts, her eyes find mine and she furrows her brow.

"So?"

"Just…this morning." I shrug. My eyes fixed firmly on the road ahead of me. "How do you feel about it?"

"Do you want me to be honest?"

"Of course." I nod.

"I feel great." She smiles. "I'm not sure it's what you wanted, or even expected, but yeah…I feel great."

"Me too." I agree. "It just…it felt right, you know?"

"Yeah." She gives me one of her amazing smiles and I know in that moment that she doesn't regret it. "I should probably get home." _And that ended as quickly as it started._

"Sure." I clear my throat. "I wondered if you wanted to join me for lunch but I'm sure you have enough to do without me bothering you."

"I'd love to join you for lunch." She grins. "If you wouldn't mind? I mean, I don't want you to think that you have to invite me over."

"Did you want to come over?"

"Yeah." She admits.

"Then I'd like you to be there," I state. "You know, Sofia is thrilled to see us together."

"I know. It's adorable."

"It really is." I laugh. "She just seems so happy lately. I mean, I don't know if that is because of us, but I'd like to believe that it is."

"I think it is." Callie shrugs. "She has really missed this, Arizona. I'd say as much as I have."

"I just want to get back to that good place we were once in. You know, the laughing and the dancing?"

"Yeah, that would be kind of awesome."

"I don't regret that kiss," I admit. "No matter how small it was, I don't regret it. I just…I needed you to know that."

"Thank you." My ex-wife places her hand over my own against the console and laces our fingers together. "For being honest, and for coming so far."

"I had to." I shrug. "I knew what I could potentially lose if I didn't." Pulling up in the driveway, I cut the engine and remain in my seat. "I know I messed us up Callie, but it was never my intention to hurt you. Never."

"We both messed up." She squeezes my hand and those deep brown eyes find my own. "But we are both here right now, and we have both acknowledged where we went wrong."

"Yeah." I smile. "Come on, let's get inside." Exiting my car, Callie follows me up the porch and I release a deep sigh of relief. I always thought that if this day ever came it would feel strange and awkward, but it doesn't. Nothing about it feels like we don't belong together. We both know that we do. We've always had that connection. We just had to find our way back to each other _._

 _I guess it was inevitable that this day would come…_

* * *

Sitting quietly, we both work our way through the salad that I've prepared and it's comfortable. Callie and I have never felt the need to talk unnecessarily, and it's nice to see that it hasn't changed. I mean, yeah…maybe she feels a little awkward right now, but she has no reason to be. I know she is trying, and that is all I could ask for. It's all I could hope for. "God, I missed your salads." She sets down her fork and sits back in her seat.

"It's just a salad." I laugh. "Not as though I had a lot to do…"

"But it's _your_ salad." She smiles. "You'd be surprised what weird stuff I missed."

"Like what?" I furrow my brow.

"How you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube." She shrugs. "Or, that weird mumble thing you do in your sleep."

"You always said you hated that." I give her a look of confusion.

"But when it wasn't there…I missed it. Oh, and when you tap your finger against your wine glass if we are watching a movie...and how you lip-sync the words to the entire script. God, the finger tapping thing used to drive me insane…"

"I know." I give her nod in agreement. "You used to give me that look…"

"The 'I'm begging you to stop before I murder you in your sleep' look?"

"Yeah, that one." I laugh. "I knew it was serious when you gave me that look."

"Mmhmm…" She purses her lips together and raises her eyebrow. "But I'd happily allow you to do all of those things every minute of the day right now."

"It's been a while since I enjoyed a glass of wine and a movie at home." I sigh. "Actually, I'm not even sure when the last time was."

"We should do that." She states. "If you want to?"

"Yeah, it would be nice." Agreeing, I set down my own fork and push my plate away. "Are you free this week at all?"

"I'm working tonight, but Friday works for me?" She raises her eyebrow.

"Friday sounds perfect." I agree. "So long as nothing goes wrong before then. Work, I mean."

"Yeah, I get that." Standing from her seat, she rounds the counter. "Would you mind if I made us some coffee before I have to leave?"

"Coffee would be good." Climbing down from my stool, I join Callie in my kitchen and lean back against the counter. "Have you found a place to live yet?"

"No, I'm crashing with Mer now, though." She shrugs as she turns to face me. "It's nice to be back at her place with Maggie and Amelia."

"Yeah...at least you aren't at the hotel."

"Oh, I don't know. Kinda like the quiet of the hotel sometimes." Closing the distance between us, she moves painfully close to me and I'm not sure what is even happening right now. "I've had another amazing day with you, Arizona."

"I have, too." My gaze switching between her eyes and her lips, that adorable smile I know and love appears on her face and my heart skips a beat. Her hands resting against the counter either side of my body, she leans in a little closer and her lips brush against my own. Her eyes begging me for approval, I press my own against her mouth and one hand rests against my hip. _Incredible._ Absolutely incredible. About to pull back, I stop Callie from leaving my space and wrap my hand around the back of her neck. Our bodies flush together, she smiles against my lips and takes my bottom lip between her teeth.

"God, I've missed that." She breathes out. Our foreheads resting against one another's. "I've missed you…"

"I'm here," I whisper, her lips grazing mine. "I'm still here, Calliope."

"I know." Her voice breaking, I run my thumb across her bottom lip. "Thank you…" Her arms wrapping around my waist, I'm effectively trapped between her body and the counter. "Thank you for allowing me back into your life. Our family."

"Thank you for coming back…" My fingers tangling in her gorgeous hair, her tongue slips into my mouth and she releases a barely audible moan. It's been so long since I've felt her lips against my own. So long since I've felt her body against my skin. It's a little overwhelming, but it's right. Everything about this moment feels right. Callie and I may have a way to go…but my heart is telling me everything I've always known. We belong together. We are right together. This could soon become something beautiful again…

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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Scared To Be Lonely: Eight

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CALLIE'S POV

* * *

It's been a few days since Arizona and I have spent time together but you know what? I'm okay with that. I told her we would take things slow. I told her I was okay with whatever she wanted, and I am. I am because she has been nothing short of amazing since I returned to Seattle, and I appreciate every invitation I've received from her so far. Of course, I'd love to spend unlimited amounts of time with her, but when I've been working, she has been available. When I've been available, she has been working. It's nothing new for us, but it still doesn't make things any easier. On Tuesday, she suggested that I come by today. Today being Friday. She made a comment about a movie and wine night, and I kind of suggested that we do it. She agreed, and now I'm desperately wanting to confirm with her. I'm craving her lips since Tuesday ended with a kiss. I'm craving everything about her. Everything I remember seems to be there again, and it makes me so happy to know that she is in a good place right now.

I think we are okay. You know, since the kiss. I can't be totally sure, though, since we've not had the chance to speak. She didn't pull away or suggest that she didn't want it to happen so I'm sure everything between us is fine. I just worry that I'm being too overbearing, I guess. I know I shouldn't worry, but yeah…if I'm being totally honest, I've laid awake for the past three nights thinking about it. The kiss. Her lips on my own. What it means for us. How she feels about it. Was it too soon? Was it too much? _You have to stop worrying, Torres._

Rounding the nurse's station on the ortho floor, I hit the screen of my tablet and finish off my afternoon rounds. It feels good to be back here, in a familiar place, but all I've thought about all day is the possibility of catching Arizona. I know she's working since I saw her name on the board, but I'm trying to keep my distance. I'm not avoiding her, no…I'm just trying to do the right thing and let her come to me when she believes the right time comes. She is the one who told me she needed time. She is the one who never wanted us to end. I have to give her the space she needs. If she really wanted to see me, she would have paged me or called me. She would have contacted me in some way, even if it was just to say hi.

Setting my tablet down in its dock, I give my nurse a smile and push off of the counter. I stayed at Meredith's for a few days earlier in the week, but honestly, I'd sooner be at the hotel. I don't feel in the way when I'm locked away there. I don't feel like I have to hold a conversation unnecessarily when I'd sooner grab some sleep or think about Arizona. It was kind of her to offer, but last night I went back to the hotel. Mer gets it, though, so she wasn't offended. It was nice being there, but right now I need my own space. The only time I won't need space is when Arizona calls me. I'll be with her at any given opportunity.

Heading for the locker room, I slip my lab coat from my shoulders and take my belongings from the pockets. My cell sitting on the bench in front of me, it notifies me that I have unread mail, and my heart picks up speed a little.

 ** _Hey, stuck with a patient. Did you still want to do tonight? Az x_**

 ** _Yes, but don't worry if you don't feel up to it. Callie x_**

 ** _I may be a little later than usual. Can you collect Sofia? Az x_**

 ** _Sure. I'll take her back to the hotel with me. Callie x_**

 ** _No. Take her home. The spare key is under the plant to the left of the door. I'll see you soon. Az x_**

Wow, okay. Not what I expected today at all. I mean, I hoped she would contact me, but the longer this day has gone on, the more that hope lessened. I guess I just had to wait it out. Not only does she want to see me, but she has also asked me to take Sofia home from school. It's kind of nice knowing that she wants me to be there when she returns home from work. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but surely if she didn't want me there, she wouldn't have asked me to take Sofia back. She would have just allowed me to take her to the hotel.

Knowing that my evening is going to be spent with my family, I pick up my pace in the locker room and I suddenly feel the need to get out of here. I want to get out of here so I can shower and change before I collect my daughter from school. I want to look my best for my ex-wife, even if it isn't going to make any difference to our night. Even if it's all for nothing, at least I'll feel good about me.

 _You've got this, Torres. Go and be with your family…_

* * *

Lifting the plant pot to the left of my ex-wife's door, I grab the spare key from underneath it and fix the pot back into place. Slipping the key into the lock, my daughter runs inside her home and heads straight for the couch. The TV controller in her hand, she glances over towards me and gives me a smile. "Mama, can you watch a movie with me?"

"I can, Mija." Stepping a little closer to her, I set her rucksack down beside her and give her a smile. "As soon as you have finished your homework."

"But, Mama…" She whines. "It's Friday."

"I know what day it is, Sofia." Raising my eyebrow, she rolls her eyes at me. "Don't." I hold up my hand. "If you do your homework now, you have the entire weekend to have fun and watch movies. Maybe even with mommy and me."

"Can we do that?" She asks, her lips curling into a smile.

"If mommy doesn't already have plans, yes." Throwing my thumb over my shoulder, she sits up in her seat. "Come on, dining table."

"Okay." Her shoulders a little slumped, she makes her way through the living room and climbs up onto a chair. "Can you make me a snack?"

"Sure." I'm sure Arizona wouldn't mind, but I don't want her to think that I'm trying to make myself comfortable. I don't want her to think that I'm trying to get my feet back under the table. I know that this is going to take time. "Mama will be right back." Heading into the kitchen, I grab some ingredients for a sandwich and move around with ease.

The door opening, Arizona steps inside and gives me a smile. "Hey…"

"H-Hi." I stutter. "Sorry, just…Sofia asked for a snack. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all." She shrugs as she sets her keys and cell down. "Did you find everything you need?"

"I think so, yeah." Clearing my throat, I turn to face my ex-wife fully and find her leaning against the kitchen counter. "I wasn't sure I'd hear from you today."

"We arranged tonight, didn't we?" Furrowing her brow, I give her a nod.

"Yeah, just you know…Tuesday night?"

"What about it?" She asks.

"The kiss…"

"Oh, did you not want that to happen?" She gives me an awkward smile. "I'm so sorry…I just thought it was right in the moment. It won't happen again."

"No." I rush out. "I did want it. I'll _always_ want it. I wasn't sure you felt the same way. I mean, we haven't had time to talk."

"Yeah." She runs her fingers through her hair. "I'm sorry about that. It's been a little crazy at the hospital. I wanted it, though."

"Okay." I nod.

Finishing off Sofia's snack, I brush past my ex-wife and she stops me with a hand on my wrist. Her lips finding my own, she smiles and pulls back. "Hi…"

"Hey…" My smile growing, it feels so good to have her lips on my own again. I'm not sure I'll ever fully realize how much I've missed it, but yeah…it feels amazing. _So good._ "I'm glad I'm here."

"I'm glad you're here, too." Her thumb brushing the skin of my wrist, she studies my face a few smiles. "You look really beautiful today."

"Thank you." A slight blush creeping up my neck, I didn't expect her to make a comment on my appearance. I know I dressed for her this evening, but I wasn't sure she would notice, and even if she did, I wasn't sure she would say anything. "You've looked amazing since the day I came back, so?"

"Okay, flattery will get you everywhere." She smirks as she pulls me into another kiss. "How about you go and give that to Sofia and then meet me back in here for coffee?"

"That I can do." The loss of contact felt immediately, I rush into my daughter and set down her snack. "Mama will just be in the kitchen, okay?"

"Okay, mama." Taking a carrot stick from her plate, she gives me a slight shrug and concentrates on the sheet in front of her. "Almost finished."

"Good girl." I place a kiss on my daughters head and step away from the dining table. Heading back towards the kitchen, I find Arizona braced against the kitchen sink and staring out of the window. "You okay?" Pulling her from her thoughts, she turns to face me and gives me a sad smile, tears slipping down her face. "Hey, what's up?"

"Just happy." She shrugs. "Sorry." Closing the distance between us, I take her hand in my own and she closes her eyes momentarily. "Calliope, I'm okay."

"Just want to make sure." I smile as I wipe away the tear that is slipping down her cheek. "Look at me, Arizona." Her gaze lifting a little, I dip my head and my eyes find hers. "There you are…"

"Really, I'm okay."

"I don't like seeing you upset," I admit. "Even if they are happy tears."

"Just…I feel so different." She runs her fingers through her hair. "I've thought about this happening for so long, and I felt so different about it."

"How did you feel before?"

"Like I wouldn't give you a second chance." She sighs. "Like, I'd see you and I'd remember how much we hurt each other and I'd walk away."

"And is that what you want to do?" I raise an eyebrow. "I need you to be honest with me. Yourself, too."

"God, no." Releasing a deep breath, she wraps her arms around my waist and gives me a smile. "I'm just saying that I imagined this to be totally different, is all."

"Thank you." I smile as I lean in a little closer, my lips ghosting over her own. "For being honest. It's all I want for us."

"Me too." She agrees. "Me too."

* * *

Flopping down on the couch beside Arizona, she hands me a glass of wine and I give her a thankful smile. Sofia went down without an issue tonight, but that could be down to the fun she had before Arizona and I fixed her a bath up. She gets excited easily, and it usually tires her out sooner than she would like. So now, we are pretty lucky that our daughter is in bed, and sleeping, before eight on a Friday night. Kinda perfect, really. Turning my head ever so slightly, I study Arizona's profile and she looks at ease. She seems relaxed. I'm still feeling a little strange to be here this evening since I haven't spoken to her for a few days, but it feels good to be here.

"You know, it's been so long since someone has sat watching me?" Her own eyes finding mine, I drop my gaze and toy with my wine glass.

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry." She replies. "It's just been a long time." Shifting a little closer to me, she lifts my arm and drapes it over her shoulder. "You don't mind, do you?"

"No, not at all." I smile as I settle back and enjoy the feeling of Arizona in my arms. "You comfortable?"

"Like you wouldn't believe." She breathes out. The movie playing quietly, I focus my eyes on the screen in front of me and my mind takes me away to anywhere but here. It takes me away to a time when we were once like this. When we were happy. In love. When nothing and nobody could come between us. It feels like a lifetime ago, but I guess that's because it was. It was a million years ago as far as I'm concerned, but I want us to get back to that place. It feels like it's been way too long since I sat with Arizona like this, and honestly…it hurts. It hurts to know that this could have all ended differently, or not at all even.

I never wanted to lose her from my life. I never wanted to hurt her the way that I did. I never wanted either of us to feel the pain we have over the past two years. It was unnecessary. Ridiculous. Arizona was right, though. When she said that we had to fall apart to come back together…she was totally right. I see it now. I see why I did what I did. Look how far we have come? It may not seem like much to anyone looking in from the outside, but we can feel it. The difference. The maturity. We can feel how right this is, and how wrong everything once was. So long as we can acknowledge that, nothing else matters.

My arm wrapping around her tighter, she sets her wine glass down and makes herself a little more comfortable. Her own arm wrapping around my waist, she curls up beside me as best as she can and I pull a blanket down from the back of the couch. Draping it over her body, she glances up at me and her eyes shine. _God, I've missed those eyes._ I've missed everything about this woman. We may have spent some of the best years together, but I suspect the best is truly yet to come if we can do this right. There is no reason why Arizona and I can't grow old together. There is no reason why we wouldn't want to.

"You are so warm." She whispers as I run my fingers through her hair. "Just like you always were."

"And you are as beautiful as you always were." Curling my fingers beneath her chin, she props herself up onto her elbow and leans in a little closer. "So beautiful."

"Calliope…" Her smile widening a little, she speaks barely above a whisper. "I, uh…I think I need you to stay the night."

"Okay." I nod.

"No, I mean stay the night…with me." Her words sending my head a little dizzy, I pull back and study her face. "And I'd say 'if you want', but I really need you to, so I'm not going to say that. Just…stay with me?"

"I'd love to stay with you…" Pulling her up into my arms, she sits in my lap and her arms wrap around my neck. "I'd really love to stay the night with you, Arizona."

"We've spent too many nights apart, Callie." Her bottom lip ghosting across my top, her breath makes me shiver and my lips curl into a smile. "Far too many nights apart…"

"I know." I give her the slightest nod in agreement as my nose brushes against her own. "I've missed waking beside you…"

"Yeah?" She smiles against my mouth. "You have?"

"I have." Pressing my lips against her own, she releases a low moan and my hand comes to rest on her thigh. "So much." Drawing circles against her denim-clad thigh, my hand slips further back and grips her ass. Shifting a little, I maneuver myself until I'm flat on my back and Arizona is resting against me. "And I've missed this."

"Mm?" She asks, her thumb grazing my cheek as her eyes bore into my soul.

"Making out with you on the couch." I smile.

"Oh, I missed this the worst." She agrees. "Like you wouldn't believe." Her hands slipping beneath my blouse, my skin ignites and every nerve ending comes to life within my body. Arizona always did have a way of making me feel amazing, and that hasn't changed. It hasn't lessened. I don't know where this night will end up, but I have a pretty good idea. Do I want this with her? More than anything. Do I believe this is the right thing for us? I do. I definitely do.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always. Again, thanks for the response to this fic. It wasn't what I expected at all.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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Scared To Be Lonely: Nine

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ARIZONA'S POV

* * *

This evening has been amazing. It truly has. Being in Callie's arms has felt totally right, and in this moment, I'm completely at ease around her. Like, she never left. We never parted. None of our past even exists. I know it does, and I know that it wasn't good, but I feel like this evening has erased all of that hurt. All of that uncertainty. That pain. I feel like she is exactly where she should be, and exactly how we should be. I could have stopped her from kissing me, and I could have made excuses, but I wanted it. I wanted all of it. I haven't asked her to stay the night for the sake of it. I haven't asked her to stay to make me feel better. It's nothing like that. I just want to feel that connection with her again. I want to feel like I've desperately wanted to feel for so long. Loved. Nobody can make me feel how my ex-wife makes me feel. I'm not sure anybody could ever come close to how she makes me feel. When it's good…it's nothing short of amazing.

The credits rolling at the end of our second movie, I'm settled between Callie's legs and her fingers are running through my hair, grazing my scalp every so often. I've never felt so relaxed as I do right now. I don't know how she does it, but it feels good. She feels good. Her lips. Her hands. Her heartbeat. Glancing up at her, she gives me one of those incredible smiles and my eyes close for a split second. I'll never tire of seeing that smile. I'll never want to, either. "You okay?" She asks.

"Yeah…" I breathe out. "Just…comfortable."

"Mm, me too." She trails her fingertips down the side of my neck. We got a little handsy earlier but we somehow managed to control ourselves. I'm not entirely sure how since we both really wanted to climb the stairs and head to bed, but we have all the time in the world to do that. It's nice to just hold each other right now. I guess I couldn't really ask for any more than that. A few weeks ago, I was alone and never expected to hold a conversation with Callie unless it concerned our daughter, but now? Now she is sharing my space. She is back in my life. She is trying. _We_ are trying. So yeah, I should be grateful for what I'm getting right now, and that is her attention. Her full attention. Right now in this moment, I'm all she sees. All she thinks about. That is good enough for me. More than good enough. "Did you want to watch another, or?" Raising her eyebrow, she has that look in her eyes. That look that tells me it's time to call it a night and head to bed. _That look that I've missed._

"No, unless you want to?"

"Not really…" Her arms wrapping around my waist, she pulls my body up her own a little. "Did you still want me to stay?"

"Yes," I say, without hesitation. "I do still want you to stay." Climbing off of my ex-wife, I pull her up to her feet and our bodies connect. Her hands coming to rest beneath my shirt, my body shudders under her touch. Those strong hands I know and love setting my skin on fire, I fist my hand in Callie's blouse and pull her through the living room and slowly up the staircase. We have to remember that we have a sleeping daughter down the hall, and as much as I want to scream Callie's name for the world to hear, I can't. "I want you in my bed, Calliope."

"I want that, too." Her lips working my jawline, a low moan falls from my mouth and she smiles against my skin. "God, I've missed that sound." My back connecting with the bedroom door, I slip my arm behind me and turn the handle. The cool evening air hitting my skin as she removes the shirt from my body, her eyes close for a split second and her head drops a little. Curling my fingers beneath her chin, I dip my head to meet her eyes and give her a genuine smile.

"Callie, look at me…"

"I'm sorry." She gives me a sad smile. "I just…I never thought I'd have this with you again."

"You've got me." I say, confidently. "All of me." Pushing her towards the bed, she turns me and sits me down on the edge. "Do you want this?" I glance up at her and find her staring down at me, her eyes full of every emotion imaginable. "Do you?"

"Yes…" She breathes out. Her thumb running across my cheek. "I want you more than anything, Arizona."

"Make love to me, Calliope…" Pushing my body down onto the mattress, she slips my jeans from my body and her breath catches in her throat.

"God, you are so incredibly beautiful." Shifting up the bed some, she strips her own clothes from her body and climbs between my legs. "So beautiful."

Cupping her face in my hands, a single tear slips down her face and I give her a sad smile. "I need to feel you…" Dipping her head, her lips connect with my own and my mind spins. _God, this feels so right._ I'm not sure anything has ever felt as right as this moment does. _Nothing._ My bra falling open, she trails her lips down my neck and drags her nails up my thigh. I've always had a thing for Callie's hands, and right now…it's coming back tenfold. It's coming back and it's making me feel more amazing than ever before. "C-Callie…" My hand fisting in her hair, she sucks a painfully hard nipple into her mouth and swirls her tongue over it. "Oh, god." My breath catching in my throat, she gently nips and tugs at it with her teeth.

"What do you need, Arizona?" That husky voice causing fresh arousal to flood from my body, she sits up on her knees and curls her fingers around the waistband of my panties, slipping them from my body. "Tell me…"

"Y-You." I moan, as she presses her thumb to my clit, applying minimal pressure. "God, yes." My hand resting on my forehead, my eyes close and my stomach contracts. "Please, Calliope...please, touch me." Two fingers running through soaked folds, my back arches from the bed and the moan she releases is enough to make me come hard right now. Her voice. Her touch. Her breath. Everything is sending me absolutely crazy with want, but I need to feel her, too. I need to remember her body. It's already memorized and burnt into my brain, but I need that familiarity. "I need you up here."

Her eyes coming into view, she gives me a sweet smile and presses her lips to my own. "You can have me wherever you want me." Teasing my entrance, she dips a single digit inside and my body responds like never before. "Feel good?" She smirks against my mouth.

"S-So good." I groan as I slip her own panties from her gorgeous caramel thighs. "Everything about you feels good." Hovering over my body, I weave my hand between us and graze dark curls. "But I need more."

Two fingers entering me swiftly but surely, my ass grinds down into the mattress and Callie's eyes never lose my own. "God, you feel amazing." Running her tongue across my bottom lip, she pushes a little deeper and my free hand grips her back. My nails almost certainly piercing her skin. "Better than ever." Her tongue slipping between my lips, she swallows the moan that I release and grinds down against my hand. "T-Touch me, Arizona." Her breath washing over my ear, she takes my lobe between her teeth and tugs a little. "I need you to touch me." My fingers connecting with dripping arousal, she drops her head into the crook of my neck and bites down against my skin. "God, yes." Her hips bucking against my own, I slip two fingers deep inside of her and the gasp that leaves her mouth makes me smile harder than ever.

Her thrusts picking up their pace a little, I know in this moment that I'm all in. Once again, Callie Torres has taken me in and made me feel like I once did. She makes me feel alive. Wanted. Mistakes have been made, but this is us righting those wrongs. This is us, as we should be…never letting each other go. Her thumb grazing my clit, that familiar build up in the pit of my stomach burns and I know that it's only a matter of time before I come undone beneath the only woman to ever truly have my heart. The only woman I'll ever really care about. "S-So close…" I breathe out as she turns her head and captures my lips. Biting down on my bottom lip, her eyes find mine and she doesn't even blink. She's lost in everything that is us. We both are.

"A-Arizona, I…" Her breath catching in her throat as I draw circles against her clit, her chest heaves and her body begins to stiffen. Mine also quickly following behind her.

"You what?" I smile.

"I-I, oh god…I love y-you." Her orgasm ripping through her body, she doesn't let up between my own legs and I feel myself come undone like never before. _Harder_ than ever before.

"I love you too, C-Calliope." Our bodies writhing, her movements slow but she doesn't lose my gaze. She doesn't once take her eyes off of my own. "So much." My voice breaking a little, she places a kiss on my lips and pulls back.

"I never should have left you…"

* * *

Waking to bright sunlight, I squint a little and glance to my right. Finding Callie sleeping beside me, my heart beats a little faster than usual but the smile on my face widens. It widens so much that my face hurts. So much so that I can't help but reach out and touch my ex-wife. Do I still call her that? I mean, yeah…she is my ex-wife, but isn't she my girlfriend now? I don't even know where to begin with that one. Shaking myself from my thoughts, I turn on my side and trail my fingertips up Callie's very naked and very beautiful back.

Stirring a little, she shifts in the bed and my hand stills. I want her to wake up, but I also want to watch her sleep. It's something I haven't done for so long, and I always did it. I always watched her chest rise and fall early in the morning. It just became my thing to do. I'm not sure she even knows I used to do it, but yeah…it may be a little creepy. I'm not worried, though. I can look and watch all I like. Her body shuddering as my fingers resume their movements, she releases a barely audible sigh and I press a kiss to her shoulder blade. "Mm…"

"Stay there," I whisper as she tries to turn over to face me. "Just for a little while longer."

"Why?" She asks, her voice laced with sleep.

"I used to love your back," I admit. "Turns out, I still do."

"O…kay." She draws out, as I get a little familiar with her body again. "You okay this morning?" She asks, a little hesitant.

"Perfect, Calliope." I sigh. "Are you?"

"Amazing…" She rests up on her elbows and turns her head to face me, her back flexing as she does. "Last night was just…" She shakes her head and drops her gaze. "...more than I could have hoped for."

"And we are okay this morning?" I ask. "I mean, I know I am but I'd be lying if I didn't fall asleep last night wondering if you felt the same."

"Hey, no." She shifts a little closer to me and presses her lips to my own. "I feel exactly how I should, Arizona."

"And how is that?" I smile.

"Sorry for ever leaving you, but thankful that you ever took me back."

"I'm thankful that you chose to come back…" I admit. "Just, don't leave again, okay?"

"I'm _never_ leaving you again, Arizona." Turning, she climbs into my lap and straddles my legs. "Never."

"Promise?"

"I promise, baby." That word. That term of endearment. God, I've missed that word falling from her lips. I've missed all of this. The mornings. The kisses. The watching each other.

"I don't want you to leave…"

"I'm not." She smiles as she presses her lips to my own. "I wouldn't do that to you ever again, Arizona."

"No." I drop my gaze and run my fingers across her collarbone. "I don't want you to leave here. This house. My home."

"I know, bu-"

"Stay," I whisper. "Get your stuff and come home, Callie."

"I don't know…" She gives me a small smile and shakes her head ever so slightly. "I don't want you to go back into this too quickly and change your mind."

"I won't change my mind," I say, adamantly. "You are who I want, and you should be here. With Sofia. With us. She would love to have you here full time, and so would I."

"Are you sure?" She raises her eyebrow. "I've only been home for like a month. Are you sure it's not too soon for you?"

"No, it's not." I smile and wrap my hand around the back of her neck. "Come home, Calliope…please?"

"I'd love to be here with you guys, I really would."

"But?" I give her a sad smile.

"But nothing." Her smile widening, I realize what she is saying and I flip our bodies. Both laughing, my body molds into her own and she runs her thumb across my bottom lip. "I love you Arizona, and I want us to be happier than ever before. If you want me here, and you want me in your life, I promise to do everything in my power to make us unbelievably happy again."

"I do, Cal. I want you here." I smile. "At first, I wanted to take this slow. You know, do it right…but I don't want you to leave. I don't want you to spend another night alone in that hotel. I mean, if we want to pretend that this isn't going anywhere anytime soon, we can…but we know. We know that last night was the night that we came back together again."

"Do you have any idea how incredible you are?" Her fingers running through my hair, a tear slips down the side of her face and I give her a sad smile. "I never imagined you would ever take me back, Arizona. I never imagined you would give me so much as the time of day, but you have…and honestly, it's a little overwhelming. I want this, though. I want you, and I want Sofia. Nothing else matters."

"So, you'll come back home?" I ask as I narrow my eyes. "You will come back to our family?"

"If you guys will have me…I'd love nothing more." Pulling her head up a little, I crush my lips into her own and she releases a low throaty moan. This woman may have torn my life apart at one time, but she has made me feel whole again. She has made me feel loved and like my future will eventually work out how it always should have. In her arms. In her life. Just…sharing each other's existence and loving one another wholeheartedly. How it always should have been.

 _This woman makes me feel like I'm supposed to…like me._

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**

 **Thanks to everyone who followed and reviewed this fic. It's been nice getting back into the swing of Calzona. So, until next time…**


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